wondering

Sitting here in my make shift office in my house, worn out from the common cold I settle in for some sunday football, onlyt to once again watch my Cowboys lose by a mistake. Still, I am loyal. I feel the need to write and i turn to a pack of recently purchased camel crush. It's been months since i enjoyed en entire cigarette without excessive drink. i like the vaporizors. 0MG nicotine and it doesn't stink, i dig it. something though, about when a poem pours out of the depths of my soul causes this urge to enhale smoke, feel it suffocate my lungs and tighten my throat, exhale and watch the visible stench pour from my pursed lips. Emotion is amazing really. Pain, leads to understanding, leads to love, leads to pain, leads to hope... and so on... ups, downs...... Life is one HELL of a ride but so far, I think i'm a head of the house on this one. I woke up today with your face in my mind The words in my head were not very kind Your eyes asked forgiveness but raged with despair You tried to grab hold of and drag me down there. Weakness is not but a vision you see When I want you to think I am down on my knees. Surrender to fear and run like a doe, You’ve made me realize most friends are more foe. Standing back up with a fist full of fire I won’t settle until he’s met every desire. A faith in something I know I can’t see, Yet feeling is always enough for me. So back in the dark I wonder alone my light shines brightly with few whom are shown. Selective and careful from this point and on, For the path we will travel is not a safe one. Whatever it takes to complete this one task Is all I have of the higher, to ask. Just one perfect moment of which doesn’t exist To belong in my lifetime, hand over fist. Finding this peace deep within me, Has been the best trip a girl could foresee. Not even mid-life has knocked on my door For my soul will wonder for years and years more.