Thursday, April 1, 2010

Elements of Life

It’s truly amazing to me how quickly our seasons come and go. From brisk air and grey skies, to crisp clean air with a soft warmth to it and blue sunny skies. As all seasons change so do we. Last night I did a kempo work out, followed by meditation and then a long bath. I had opened the windows to my room so the air was whipping the lavender scent of the burning oil around the room as if it were dancing back and fourth. Candles lit, zen music on I stepped slowly into the steaming hot water. I realize, or start to write things in my head the moment I feel the emotion, sometimes not able to put a finger on the emotion I can only describe it like it went through my minds eye:

Tuesday March 31, 2010:

Four elements make up this universe no matter how you argue the point. My body, here on earth, of earth yet born in the fire sign. The water begins to cover me slowly until my entire body is submerged, surrounded by it, nearly worshiping it and it’s soothing qualities. Windows throughout the house let in the air, the soft warm sweet smelling spring air which causes the flames on the lit candles to dance in unison. I sink to the bottom as far as I can with only my mouth and nose sticking out of the water and just breath. I hear my heart beat, I hear the echo of the music as it softly sweeps through the stubborn blockage of the water to my ears. Most of all, I hear my breath. My lungs slowly expanding deeper and deeper with each breath, I hold counting slowly and exhale to the count of 8. By the time I do this about four or five times, I can be anywhere. My mind is open and ready for discovery, willing to see or feel whatever enters my mind but the beauty is, nothing comes. It is truly a moment of blissful silence in which my soul feels it has escaped the reality of the elements surrounding me.

As I exit the steam of the bath, the air seems to rush in faster, harder yet picking up in a subtle way as if not to be noticed. Drying me without even using the towel except to cover my hair. The room is dim, still lit by only candles, the soft sound of the water draining from the tub and the lavender still swirling around the room along with the air is magnificent. As I sat down at the foot of my bed, so relaxed I wasn’t sure I could walk even that far my earthly thoughts began to slowly come back to mind……… what if……… I wonder what……. How am I going to…… I hope…. I think….. I believe…..I feel………..and sadness came to me for a moment. all of these questions in my head, each thought leading to the other and so on, as if someone had just knocked down a house of cards or a line of dominos, one lead to the other until there was nothing left but a pile, flat and lifeless. And I had, literally fallen back onto my bed and began to breath again, slowly pushing each thought from my mind until it too was as weak and lifeless as the body in which it rests. PEACE

McGill "Lily" Nancy
 (if you know the beatles at all you'll understand this one)

I woke up to silly Lily wanting to go potty, she’s the new puppy we’ve had for a month now, she’s wonderful and very smart. I stumbled around in the still dimly lite night looking for the light switch to the deck to let her out, blowing candles out around my room and couldn’t help but be thankful I’d woken up and not burnt my house down, imagine the irony…. Fire dies by Fire. Very few will understand that, but then again, only fire understands fire truly. Just like every other element…… we at least have the common element of our birth to hold us together.

I slept like I was in a coma, maybe I was after the mental purging of ugly nasty things that have gathered up through the past months finally gone and out for the air to take away and replace with pure clean thoughts and emotion. This day has been filled with the whispering of the trees, sun glowing through the windows, and feelings that not even I can explain, sometimes, even I keep my emotions to myself……. Really! Even those in my daily life know only half of my feelings or thoughts possibly even the depth to which they run through each small aspect of my life which amounts to one huge dynamic of events moving in different directions actually affects me inside. I share what I want, when I want, with whom I want to share with. Somehow the blog is the one place I feel like I can share and know that it’s my place to do it. You came here to read it, if you continued you chose too. I thank you for that. For listening to understanding or at least trying to understand such small things in my life, like my night last night, explained in the detail in which I felt it. Utterly Beautiful.

My day is done, I sit in the near silence of the house with nothing but the sound of the wind in the trees out the window sipping a wine spritzer preparing myself for another evening of a house filled with so much life, and yet when just one little girl is missing, feels as if it's empty completly.

I hope your day was peaceful, all that you wanted and worked at making it become. May your dreams wake you in peace as well and follow you throughout the day tomorrow.

Love, Luck and Peace.