Thursday, April 30, 2009

Your Forecast Today: 100% Chance of Showers- But Whatever!

Here's a question for you all, and I would LOVE a comment if you have ANY suggestions on how to solve the following problem:

There are squirrels trying to move into my house. I dont mean my whacked out friends, the guy i'm seeing or even fellow co- workers... i mean REAL Squirrels. I think Stewart (the one who taunts my dogs) has figured out that I love animals and decided to bore a hole into the side of my house. What in the hell............. do I do about that? I thought about hanging my cat from a harness... but something tells me there has to be an easier way. (insert suggestions here)

So... I know, I know... you are totally picturing a house built out of sticks and spit at this point... I promise it's not... My house is just SO surrounded by wildlife that ... well they are now wanting to move in. This surprises me... I mean I feed the blind Opossum across the street for a reason, it's kept him from trying to move in! Gees!

Has anyone seen "A Haunting in Connecticut"? Try to sit through that one without jumping out of your seat, spililling over buttered popcorn on your new white (what a stupid choice of color for me huh?) sweatshirt, or crying during this film. I tell you what... I didn't cry! I liked the movie though, and if you like supernatural thrillers (whether it really is based on a true story or NOT) you should check it out. I dont squirm during movies- This movie made me want to crawl into my shoes with one eye shut (at times) and it had a happy ending... WTF- how, explain to me, HOW does a movie like this end happy? Well it does... so i may have just ruined it for you... oopsy!

Last question for today- Why are there 29 followers to my site, and hundreds of the same IP addresses that visit every day? Come ON people.... follow publicly already, it's like you're that creeperton in the shadows of the dark alley... but you're just admiring my shoes... come out of hiding already!

And a little excerpt from one of my BFF's Jenni- You all know her as Bettie Page (look alike) This is a description of the 'Female Wonders' to a gay friend of ours who would like to be a woman... Well, grow some ovaries and retain water like a son of a bitch for starters. As you get older the bigger your friggin ovaries swell and you begin to fear you are pregnant, even if you don't think it is possible. Some days are bad enough that even when you ovulate you bend over double and walk like the hunchback of Notre Dame because standing fully upright stretches out your already stressed out skin over your ginormous fucking belly.
After your eggache goes away, then you have 2 weeks of uncertainty where you feel you may burst into tears because you are afraid a friend/coworker/boyfriend/family member is pissed at you. They really aren't, you are just being paranoid.
Here are the things I think will help you get to this level of body function and emotional intensity: Eat so much cheese and drink nothing but caffienated beverages for weeks on end so that your stomach bloats up so bad and you are so constipated you look and feel pregnant.
Smoke pot and drop acid at the same time to get the paranoia and mood swings required. Do I have it about right, Bambi?

Amen My Friend- Or Sadhu :) have a superfabulous day everyone!

Wednesday, April 29, 2009

Because It Makes Me Smile Deep Down

Sunshine in Hiding

Good Afternoon All! It's a beautiful day here in the Ozarks. The breeze is crisp and a bit moist, trees bright lime green and the sky behind them growing darker and darker. I love Spring for many reasons, the storms are one thing I love and yet fear at the same time. We had our first 'severe storm' complete with tornado warnings about a month ago. The fact my house is built into the side of pure rock here in Arkansas makes me feel safe, yet at the same time I can't help but get nervous and a bit freaked out (to say the least) when i see the county 'red' warning on the tv screen. Last night was just a thunderstorm, nothing to panic about and calming enough of a rain that it lulled me to sleep quite nicely. Something about days like this one make me step back out of reality and think of so many things in the past. I really dont like thinking of the past, i mean it is there... and it did happen, and all for a reason- even if i have NO idea what that reason is yet. I realized yesterday as if running into the side of a building, that it was the two year anniversary of my grandmothers death. I sat quietly wondering if anyone else realized that. I remember the months prior to her dying. I never visited her as much as I should have. Her house smelled of cigarette smoke and I felt guilty to even attempt to bring my daughter into it. Dont get me wrong, it was clean- very unconventional as a 'grandmothers house' would go. She painted, all the time. She had filled one wall in her living room with a mural of a memory she had from New Mexico when she was younger. It was beautiful. I remember walking through her house on each visit in awe over some of the artwork she had created. As she got older and her body gave into the desease (some kind of cancer in her neck?) she had, she grew pale, grey and weak. The last time i saw my grandma I had made her dinner. I tried not to visit her because no matter what, in the course of time I stayed there, as she chain smoked she would talk about three subjects, that only she was right about:

  • Politics

  • Religion

  • My Mom

I dont really like discussing politics for a few reasons. One because you're almost always guaranteed a fight no matter who you talk to about it, and two because what is the point in US arguing? I mean really? Politics have the word TIC (TICK- blood sucking insect that serve no purpose) so that should tell us "not worth our waste of breath".

Religion- I dont think anyone is wrong. I dont think anyone is 100% CORRECT. That is how i feel, I FEEL what I believe about the universe, god, higher powers etc because of the study i've done, years i've spent searching and things i've experienced. NOT because one book or one person told me this was fact from birth and this is the ONLY way to see things. WHY argue about who is right? Isn't the entire point of life to love, be loved and be the best person you can be? In General?

My Mom- Suicide isn't something you just 'understand'. There are two people on this earth who fully understand why my mom did what she did. That is me, and papa. NOBODY else saw what we did for the last year. Nobody heard her bounce from her normal self to a person she didn't even know. Nobody watched her eat one bite of a sand which and throw up from being too 'full'. I had to purchase pot for my mom to smoke so she could be hungry enough NOT to puke, even then it did no good. The day she died she weighed 70 pounds. My grandma didn't know my mom the last two years of her life. Nobody really did but us. She pushed everyone out, especially anyone who would urge her to get help, go through chemo or radiation. She wanted to die with a full head of hair and color in her face. She died with beautiful hair.

Every time I would visit my grandma it was like watching my mom die all over again. My visits grew few and far between and not just because of her health, because i would leave in tears every visit, because my grandma would ask me "Bambi, please explain why she did what she did, i just dont understand". I have tried to explain to everyone in my family what happened. Sometimes I wonder if they even still believe me, but that's not what gets to me. Saturday, while all of us girls were here at my house one of them noticed something not many had ever seen. One of the last pictures taken of my mom was the day before the May 4th Tornado in 2003. She was bone thin, pale, and her teeth stuck out from lack of fat in her cheek bones. It was a rare occasion to get her in front of the camera, as she had a mirror in her house, she knew what she looked like. Sometimes I wonder if I should scan that picture. Send it to everyone just so they too can see what Little Merrie came to me crying about Saturday.

"I had no idea". The famous words of everyone who sees that picture, tears streaming from their faces having had no clue she was really that sick. Merrie, along with all of the other girls was very close to my mom. She was like a second mother to them, as some of their moms were to me.

So yesterday ended in a bit of an emotional state. Not only is it that one time of the month when you (as a women) feel vulnerable to everything abraisive, puffy in the mid section and the temptation to kill any male you come in contact with while eating a chocolate bar... but it was also the day my grandma died. I never had the relationship most people have with their grandmas for numerous reasons, but she was still my grandma and I loved her with all my heart. I miss her art. I miss her laugh. I miss the fact that for my entire life she spelled my name with an E at the end (Bambie) and she was alive when Bambi was originally released for gods sake! She would always send me birthday cards, either a month early or a month late and she drank the worlds worst coffee as strong as you can get it- instant coffee.......... all. Day. Long!

Reflecting on the past isn't always bad. Once people pass onto another world, heaven, spiritual life, or whatever it is you call the passing........ there is NO point in holding onto anything that could possibly be negative with that person's memory. In fact, once something passes in life, we should learn to let go as soon as possible... so we, as a spirit ourselves can only grow stronger.

This time of year is so bitter sweet. I love Spring and Summer (incase you've not noticed a pattern here) but my moms birthday is May 5- Cinco De Mayo. Every time i turn on the radio i hear advertisements for the day and think nothing of battle so heroically won by the Mexicans who deafeated the French with limited power and resource proving the strength of their people... but the strength of one little white woman, who stood barley over five foot tall, had hair like an angel, eyes full of power and called freckles a tan who defeated cancer in her own way. Different battles, Different lifetimes, Different forms of defeat.........In the end, what a great day to celebrate life!

Mr. Tulsa's birthday is May 4- a day when many still mourn for the loss experienced from that fateful tornado that ruined our small town and killed a man who was only looking for safety. A storm that ripped up so many towns in the central US that they play the story of Pierce City, Stockton, Aurora and Republic on the Weather Channel, over and over and over again. That tornado was the start of a lifetime spiral that would eventually lead from my life being rock bottom, to what it is today. July will be five years without my mom. This year- I think I'll celebrate Mr. Tulsa's life.. the Battle won in Mexico and the life I once shared with my mom by a long stroll around the lake with my daughter.

So the past 24 hours have been emotionally trying- I haven't cried, that's huge. I only feel happiness when I think of the people in this post and I am thankful for every memory and every experience I have had in this young life I have lead.

So in ending, I hope you have a beautiful spring day. Sorry I had nothing goofy and stupid to make you laugh today, or loving and heart felt.. just pure, raw human emotion that I have no idea where to put except on the Internet :) so i guess THAT in itself is kinda funny. I'm off to visit a few other blogs that make me smile on a daily basis. Zipbag of Bones is a guarantee- with her sick sadistic humor and cute manor of writ ting. Cocaine Princess because well, her stories let me live a life of riches and beauty through her eyes, Sass because - she's sassy and makes me laugh non stop, even when she's pouring her heart out. And the reality of happilyeverafter- because something tells me if i were to ever meet her in person we'd make really good friends. If you haven't checked out some of the blogs I follow, you should today... I'm tellin' ya- these people make the world go round and why read the news when you have such great stories from all walks of life to read about instead? I mean really!

Peace out my friends and OH-Sass- This is for you. I was shopping with the girls the other day and thought i'd take this picture for you- As cheesy as it is, I might have to buy you this pin so you can wear it so proudly when you drop your kids off at school and go shopping at the grocery store where they all think you are a stripper (welcome to my club) Here's to you:

Tuesday, April 28, 2009

The Color Yellow and Alpha Zooloo Four Ninner

Yellow, to me, is the most beautiful color. It makes me smile to see something painted yellow, it makes me feel extra bright and happy to wear it, and most things of the yellow hue are just plain cute........... except for the blanket of pollen in and around my entire house. I spent countless hours cleaning my house last week when I wasn't sick sleeping in the bathroom floor, flying around Tulsa in a 1960's Cessna, or... well... being sick.

This past weekend had been set in stone, chiseled into my calendars months ago ( i say calendars because i have like 6... mainly because i lose one now and again). The girls were coming from all over to spend not one, but two nights in my new house painting Eureka Springs Red.... and that we did......... Not all of them made it down- but you can be assured they will all get their own little 'story' on the blog accompanied by yet another TARD picture of me... I'm starting to think maybe the helmet thing isn't really a joke anymore, but whatever. So I've had the windows open for days, it's THAT time of year where you dont need the heater, and towards the end of the day it is just hot enough to make you think about the air conditioner before the sun sets and the cool, refreshing spring breeze brings sweeps back through the windows. The only down fall of this - and living basically in the tree tops, is that everything in my house is now covered in a thin layer of yellow dusted pollen and my eyes are swollen, itchy and red. What i need is an air hose to just blow the place out and start over again, but there can only be so many of these nice misty cool days left so i'll just keep fighting natures sex dust (pollen... what a boring way to reproduce).

Since I have a lifetime of pictures to catch you up on, I should start by flying with Mr. Tulsa. Until recently the smallest aircraft i had ever been aboard was one of the smallest 'American Eagle's' ever- it was shaky, nasty inside and i'm pretty sure the pilot of that plane had just graduated because at 17 - landing in Shreveport to see my Bio Dad- I was F**king happy to get out of that thing! I had and never will be scared in the air again after that. I've been on our company jets, which are posh and comfy, not to mention fast as hell and no matter how turbulent these trips ever get, I love it. I AM an adrenaline junkie and no i'm not ready for my intervention yet! :)

We pulled up to this small airport, much like any other airport I'd flown into with the wonderful company I work for, except there was the actual school... teaching people to fly (seriously, this has to be THE coolest job on earth) Mr. Tulsa, so smooth and relaxed strolled out to the little plane named Lou, seriously... it's name was Lou:

Of course i took a picture! Are you kidding, you thought i wouldn't take a picture of something saying 'Tie me down well!!' plugh- I think that should be my new bumpersticker! I digress....

It was a little guy, and I think Mr. Tulsa was wondering if I could handle flying through the air at 2500-3000 feet (is that right?? i think so) in something the size of my bathtub, but i can, and I did, and it was amazing!Now, what you dont hear when you're on a huge aircraft (ok, i've never heard it even on little jets) is the communication between the pilot, and the 'control tower' (i guess that's what it is?) Have you ever been listening to a radio station, and for whatever reason you think they are speaking English, but can't quite tell so you start to question your own ability to speak and understand the English language? Well, THAT is what it is like to listen to these guys speak to one another on the headsets. It's very appealing in a strange way, it's like a pure second language 'Alpha Zooloo (I can only think to myself about Zoolander- THE dumbest movie ever) Ninner yadda yadda' It was all I could to NOT to giggle myself out of the tiny plane, or tear said headset of the pilot seated next to me.. it was a confusion emotion I must say, in any case very sexy to hear that language... and apparently us 'civilians' are the only ones who dont know this language. Whatever- I like the regular alphabet A=Apple... B=Bambi and so on.
So the headsets made me feel like Britney Spears, but that just made me giggle even more. There is nothing more exhilarating than flying to me. I love sports cars (when i'm driving them) a 69 Camero would be the BEST EVER but a plane? nothing..... compares. It's magical, seriously... look at my glasses floating (along with my stomach... i love that feeling)

So after the floating glasses, and the stalling of the plane we had to come down... that which goes up... you know... must come down. Whoever made that shit up was a rocket scientist aye? :) Seriously i'm in the weirdest mood today, excuse my smart ass comments because i have a feeling this isn't only post i'll publish today. We landed, and Mr. Tulsa was seemingly nervous, but i didn't hardly notice the landing truth be told... ah, sheer professionalism! So we've made a deal, when I become independently wealthy in 7 years, he'll be my private pilot, on call... at all times, and guess what color of plane i'll have? Well Yells yeah- Yellow my dear friends. Maybe i'll buy Lou and paint him yellow? I like Lou!

I am off to prepare my face for society. I have to take the mini me to Missouri for Kindergarten orientation tonight- It makes me sick to my stomach to be honest. My little girl, growing up, scampering off with her friends, learning new and improved ways to finagle around rules, places to stuff things in her room when she's supposed to be cleaning or stories to ask me about, like the most recent one her dad told her to ask me "mommy, how do the babies come out of your belly?' To which i replied.........with the most serious face I could muster (her father waving happily as we drove off... jackass! - he seriously cracks me up with the stuff he sends my way) "The belly button honey, that is why there is a ring in it, it holds my belly closed since I had you" and she nodded, as if that was exactly what she thought and we went about our drive. I just wish she would quite asking me for a brother or sister just because 'all her friends have them'... and be happy with the furry siblings that share the same bed with us. I mean really... i think five of us is enough (two dogs, a cat, a kicking child and a bruised mommy)

Have a superfantabulous Terrifically Touseled Tuesday Ya'll! Cheers...........

Thursday, April 23, 2009

Everything Broken... CAN Be Fixed!

Silence is such a pure, and sometimes unappreciated sound. My idea of silence isn't silence at all but the rush of the wind through the trees, the birds singing and the feeling that maybe my mind can rest. This week I've been sick as hell, happier than i've been in a long time, heard the echo of the center of the universe and spent countless hours alone with my thoughts, for just a few hours of time in another world. Being closed off from entertaining the thought of 'letting' someone in your life is easy to do. It only takes one wound to make you bleed so deep internally that you build a wall you're sure nobody can tear down, just to keep the chance of emotions surfacing to a small percent. The fact is.....I dont think you can be so broken you dont care anymore, no matter how hard you try. YES, we all get broken! Yes, we all fall in love. YES, we all get hurt (sometimes many times over and over) only to tell ourselves never again out of pain when the wound starts to heal into an ugly scar. Sometimes we have no choice but to let people in, maybe it isn't really a choice at all? Maybe, it takes a lot of breaks to heal right? Maybe giving up isn't really the answer.......... or maybe it is, because about the time you throw your hands in the air, stop caring and turn to stone- someone comes along and makes you realize, or at least feel like you are not broken at all, not really it just feels that way.

Purity, in the eyes of a human is rare... at least into adulthood (from what I've seen). Broken, tainted, stained whatever you want to call it, we're all that way.......... but then you happen upon a broken person, on the mend..... with more purity and heart in one glance and more laughter provoking behavior than you imagined you would see again unless looking into a childs eyes.

Its only Thursday. ONLY, it's been a long week.......I'm tiered, i'm recovering, I'm still a tad weak but none of it matters right now because I stood in the center of the universe. I heard something awaken inside of me that i'm not sure i've heard in a while but something, in the sound of my voice, in that miraculous place, where seemingly the entire world could hear my thoughts I recognized someone i once knew. That person I was before life tainted me, broke my heart or stained my path with it's roller coaster ride of a show. My heart is beating again..... in a figure of speaking of course....not a shallow dull beat blocked off so that it is safe from anyone i encounter but a heavy beat, a solid beat.... the sound beat of purity and emotion.

Tomorrow all of my best friends (most of them that can make it) will be here by evening... dressed in their best heels, hair tousled just right and a smile on their faces. It's not often that people make friends at such young ages like I have and kept them for 20 fact, when each of us mention each other to our new groups of friends, co workers, what have you......... it seems nearly un heard of to have such a close bond after all these years. I've realized lately how lucky i really am to have the friends in my life that i do. I have the life long friends 'the girls'... the ones that make me laugh so much i have abs of steel until my next cheese bender. I have the ones i made later as a teenager, the ones who pop back into life to remind you of who you were, who you are and how far you come just by the reflection in their eyes, and the new ones that you miss when you dont get a text from them every day. I've always appreciated all of these people, but i guess when i closed off my heart, put up my wall, i blocked out a lot of emotions that i never meant to and it's nice to feel them coming back.

I am off to bed, I have a long day of work ahead of me tomorrow, shopping, snack preparation and sadly, cleaning of my daughters room (ugh) before my company arrives. I just thought i'd let the people know, if they read this, how much they all really mean to me and how thankful I am for them in my life. (even if i dont answer phone calls............. :)

I hope your day was productive....emotionally, physically, professionally or whatever. I hope your day was shorter than mine! :) But I also hope the sun was as eager to kiss your nose as it was mine.......... I think i added a few fine lines and wrinkles around the eyes today...... you know......... the good kind! Hugs to you my friends........ rest well..... you never know what Friday may bring! If it feels right, live in the moment and go with the flow! Cheers!

Wednesday, April 22, 2009


Things I've Learned This Week

Warning- the following blog post is not ALL 'chipper', 'gleeful', or 'loving'.... if you came here expecting the typical lovely post, dont read any further............ Hey, I get two negative days a month... i'm taking half a day today!

  1. The flu, food poisoning or whatever this is, is a GREAT diet! Not fun, but great way to see your abs again!
  2. Getting re-acquainted with people from your past can do wonderful things for your heart
  3. Not all cats are full of vindictive hate- at least mine isn't!
  4. No matter how hard to you try to ignore your allergy for Cats... it doesnt' go away!
  5. Working from home not only increases productivity (for me) but keeps me from vomiting when I run into ex douche bags (yes, it could have been that i was still sick... but doubtful) and people who just plain hate the world... Life is so much better when you can pick and chose who you see in a day!
  6. Why do people you once loved turn into total fuck heads? Was that trait always in them??? And since when did common law marriage become a thing at 6 months and entitle you to take half of everyone shit? (sorry, i had dreams of this last night, it makes me sick that there are people like this in the world)
  7. Did I mention I'm thankful for Mr. Tulsa?... Well I am.
  8. No matter how kind you are to people in your life, the people you once thought were at least a 'friend' will say things to you that make you want to cry.... you'll never know if it was intentional. Shine it on, ignore them and feel sorry they are so ugly inside!
  9. I'm proud, even after all the pain from others, to be a good person and not be a complete careless ARSE.
  10. And Lastly- A person should never hold tears in for months at a time, otherwise they come out at work when your boss doesn't answer your instant message when you expect them too you will bust into tears like an emotional train wreck leaving your once perfect mascara in wods!

One last thing, since I am having a semi bitchy moment- If you are one of those people who constantly has a problem with someone, always fighting, always bitching and always at war.... you should look around you! Maybe, just maybe the common denominator is YOU... not everyone else! Think about how you treat people, what you say and how you say it. If you still have a problem try PROZAC!

(This is about several different people....... not one... but if you think it is about you.... it might just be! Be kind, it pays off!)

On a happy note- I'm not throwing up blood anymore! :) YAAY!

I hope you all have a wonderful day.......... i'm going to, starting................... NOW

Monday, April 20, 2009

Hunan Hell!!!

I know you've been here before... so bare with me.

You've been on the road for two hours, your stomach is growling so loud your daughter thinks there is a stow away dog in the car with you. You only have less than an hour until you get home, but the uneasy feeling in your stomach says you should eat now before you turn into the animal currently growling from your inner self. The only signs you see are McDonalds (to which you immediately flash back to the last time you did that to yourself and realize what heavy greasy pain you will be in soon after consumption) leaving you the only other option "Hunan Villiage"

Upon entry of said 'Village' you realize it might be a mistake when the sweet corn and fried okra are on each side of the fried rice. It doesn't matter at this point, you just want some cheap Chinese food to fill your ache and hit the road again. Your daughter announces out loud she must 'GO POOP FAST' and the thought actually crosses your mind to grab some mashed potatoes on the way, but you are not quite to THAT point YET.

After said restroom break you nearly sprint to your table to slurp down the over carbonated Pepsi waiting for you (the one time in forever you drink soda and it tastes like shit) before you and your little one gallop off to the not three, but four long buffet trophs. Of course the little one is so 'big' she insists on helping herself, and by all means, it meant at this point i could sit down and eat faster. As she piled on her sesame chicken accompanied by two pieces of fruit and chicken (or what appeared to be rat) on a stick, i made two trips from the troph to table... one with the only Chinese food i could find in the 'Hunan Village' and the other, because I am a glutten for punishment, peel and eat shrimp complete with coctail sauce.

We ate our 'late lunchs' in peace. Both on one side of the table in a booth, I felt the need to protect her from the VERY odd and freakishly alien looking people surrounding us. We both ate what we could and hit the road.

The night was filled with heartached you would not believe. Kiddo curled up in the entertainment room to watch pink panther and I went about taking the trash out, feeding dogs/cat and cleaning up here and there. It dawned on me that Rody, the Gerble hadn't been fed since yesterday, so i went to check on him. Mind you, he's already got a bad rap for being semi psychotic, he nearly bit my friends sons' finger in two and I have caught him (in total fear) several times only to let him back seconds after i pick him up. Last night was no different, since he's crazy enough to have eaten his own food bowl (yes people, he dumped the FOOD out and ate the hard plastic bowl) I have been feeding him in one corner of his pen. Typically he just stops jogging on his wheel as if to act like i cant see him until i pull my hand out, then goes on about his daily excersise. NOT yesterday, hell no, he jumped out of that thing as if he were in attack mode and bit through my middle finger. SCREAMING in agony, i grab my hand, while blood rushed down my arm and began dripping off my elbow. Keane, the panther cat hears me scream, comes rushing in and pulls the psychotic gerbel out of his cage and carries him downstairs. At this point, i'm panicing, holding a soaked in blood already paper towel over my finger, while trying to make the cat let go of the gerble, and he does, just in time for the fucking 'RAT' to run into the rock of my fireplace. At this place i'm fully paniked trying to be quiet to keep jaida from coming out of the other room. Somehow Keane manages to get ahold of the damn rat again and drag it under the kitchen table, letting it go, then grabbing it again, playing like any cat would. I did the only thing i could think of........... call Mr. Tulsa. As if he was going to be able to magically appear and make it go away- he tells me 'hit it with a hammer'... to which i nearly puked on the floor, but then realized it was in such pain from the cat torture i had to do something. I sat the phone down and slapped it on the head with my flat.........shoe that is, flat shoe..........

Tears...... instantly. I picked up the phone, sobbing, told Mr. T I would call him back and ran to the bathroom to puke. grabbed a paper towel and tried not to look at the poor lifeless gerbil i had to pick up. I took him out to the trash can and ran back into the house where i sat on the floor crying, cleaning the entire floor with a clorox wipe. I sobbed, and sobbed. I have killed something, yes it was a gerbil, yes it was in pain, yes it had bitten through my finger (not even kidding people) but I, ME had just killed a living thing. I'm still not right today, i'm telling ya. I had to make up the extravagant story about how Roddy got out of the cage and ran off into the woods when Jaida asked why i was crying. She, then sobbed along with me as she yelled for him shouting loudly off the deck out into the woods.

Today is a beautiful day. I had a lovley weekend, I introduced Mr. Tulsa and Jaida we went to the Aquarium and the Zoo and a movie, it was super and i'll post pictures later. Right now i'm recovering from what I can only assume is food poisoning from the Hunan Hell i ate in yesterday and my middle finger (you know, the one i communicate with on shitty days) is throbbing, purple and swollen.

Life sure is full of interesting surprises aye? Love to you all............... PEACE.

Friday, April 17, 2009

Super Fantabulous Friday

I love squirrel's. despite the common comparison between my social behavior and a tree squirrel, I have a little friend here in the woods of NW Arkansas, among the many wild life friends I have. I think i'll name him Stewart. He's your typical gray squirrel, wiry tail, little mouse face with big eyes and always eating something. Stewart makes an appearance at my house at least every other day. as you can see... he sits right in front of the living room window, typically this is where he eats breakfast. Its fine that Stewart graces us with his presence, but i have yet to figure out if he perches here to look at himself, or if he does (which i'm fully convinced) this to piss off the dogs. Scamps is usually the one that will chase him from window to window on the back of the couches. This particular morning, Stewart sat right where he is, in this picture, pooping on the hand rail and cleaning himself while scamps bark alarm nearly made my ears bleed.

Paxton, being somewhat afraid to get to close to Keane, who was rolling around on my lap purring like the panther he is, decided to sit in the other window and watch Stewart. I realized at one point we had all four been watching this crazy varmint for at least 5 minutes in total awe.

Silly... the things you find fascinating when you live in the middle of nature. It's lovely. Mr. Tulsa and I took a little adventure to Pivot Rock, a natural 'wonder' that is apparently in the Genus book of Records. I went there with my parents when i was 12, the rock seemed gigantic at the time. So, i tried to reenact the picture that i have of me with it at 12, and this is what came out of it.

So, after i was done pretending to save one ant hill at a time from large boulders landing on them, we took some more pictures... i mean really, did you think I wouldn't take pictures?? HA

This wonderful little creature (puke) was hiding in a hole in the side of a rock on the way up to the Pivot Rock. I wasn't as close as it appears, and his eyes didn't light up until the flash did, but HOLY CRAPOLA- check out the dry land squid!

If this nasty little shit doesn't make your skin crawl, you're invited to come be my bug hunter during the summer months- I wont even charge you rent! :)

Yesterday was a beautiful day- it couldn't have been more perfect weather. I chose to wear heels, which was a truly intelligent choice given the hiking of the mountain ( I dont remember that trail at ALL.... only the rock) But i managed. Somehow Tulsa didn't even break his ankle running straight down a rock bluff to get into this picture before the timer went off:

He landed ever so gracefully in a Spider Man stance before the flash ....well... flashed. It was fun, and truly amazing rock running talent...I would have at least sprained my ankle!

We stopped for lunch at Cafe Solei- which is now totally remodeled, but the food is still 'out of this world'... I found the presentation, AND the flavor of both the bacon cheese burger AND the chicken, mango wrap to be nearly orgasmic. Frankly ladies, that burger alone can substitute for a long dry spell if you know what i'm sayin???

All in all - just another beautiful day filled with small miracles. Perfect food, perfect weather, perfect landings, awesome animals (domestic and wild) and over all the most important thing... perfect company.

There is nothing like laughing so hard your face hurts, sleeping so well that your body feels like goo (wait, maybe that isnt' a good thing, but it feels good...) and eating so well that your pants need unbuttoned!

I'm off to pick up my beautiful daughter and head out on some adventures (She's Dora, I get to be Boots... the monkey) I dont know why I always have to be the damn purple monkey!!! Oh well, he speaks Spanish very well, maybe i can learn a few things??

Have a fabulous weekend peeps- I hope you get out and do something fantastic... Peace and of course........... Cheers!!!

Thursday, April 16, 2009

Eyes Wide Shut

It's always nice to spend time with someone you knew once in your life, only to get to know them again NOW 13 years later. Mr. Tulsa came down again. We looked through pictures on my computer while sitting in our jammies and talked about old times, new times and haunted places. It's funny how much a person can change in 13 years. NOT him, ME. I dont think he's changed, at all........... and unlike most people I know, it's a good thing. He's exactly like he's always been.

The picture probably looks bad, but it wasn't....... it was hilarious really... it only took us 30 minutes to figure out where the timer was on this digital camera.... this is the result.

Keane is getting settled in around here, he and the dogs are not quite what i would call 'friends' yet, but he slept in bed with the dogs purring all night......earlier they were laying on each side of me without drawing blood or growling at one another, so that was a huge step in the right direction. Here he is in all his glory this morning, hes truly an amazing cat.

(Hey, me and the dogs still have both eyes... we are definatly doing well)
You know the eyes are the window to the soul, and of course if you have followed or read much of this blog at all you know how facinated I am with the human soul. Looking at this picture, just shows why I adopted Keane- he says so much with just once glance. Pure Raw Emotion in the kindest possible form. Truly magnificant!

It's a beautiful spring day! I dont know that i've felt this 'at peace' in a while. The world just seems right today and it is relaxing. I took a few shots of the bottle tree today - hope i dont make you dizzy with it.

Since I am too lost in the euphoria of life to write anything worth while today- Here are the pictures from Saturday Night:

Jenni and I had Angelina Jolie Imitations......... great huh?

And of course Jenni not only looks like Bettie...... but Audrey Hepburn too!!! (Lucky Bitch)

This would be my ill attempt at a Madonna look a like- What can i say, she's effin' bad ass!!! (i'm a wanna be... ha ha)
This would be the infamous Papa- in all his glory- I love to just stick the camera in peoples faces and click... fun stuff. as you can see, he enjoys this as well.
and lastly- the blurred version of the evening. It was fun, had by all.... but unlike Friday didn't end in (self proclaimed) Biscuits and Gravy over girl talk.... I'll be back tomorrow with more i'm sure, but for today, i'm on a mental vacay- I'm off to dance around the world and kiss the sun. I hope you all have a beautiful day, no matter what the weather. Go hug an old friend, call your siblings, or mail a card for no reason, you know... it just 'feels' like that kind of day today. Peace out my friends and of course........ Cheers!

Wednesday, April 15, 2009


Mr. Tulsa (or at least thats his name for now) You know, the guy who rescued me from the cops at 15 when we all got busted breaking into the city pool to swim........... well, they never caught us, as for my step sister - hmmmmmmmmmmmm - her first hand cuffs at 13. Tee Hee. At least that's as bad as we got, and Hey, like i told my mom.... it's her fault she didn't run faster, technically I never got caught! HA...

Wednesday's Wonderments!

Here he is, the new addition to our family in all of his beautiful glory= Keane. He is a year old Male that we adopted from the Humane Society Yesterday. YES, I have allergies towards cats, quite severe truth be told, but only if i get hair in my face........soooo i'll just be petting him outside. I have a soft heart when it comes to animals and I fell in love with this little guy months ago. We had gone to the shelter, mainly to look around and I ended up petting him for about 20 minutes. I dont typically care for cats, they tend to be moody, hateful and a bit spiteful.

This one is not like any cat i've ever been around. I think he's been in the 'cage' at the HS since he was tiny, so any amount of attention you give him is more than appreciated. My daughter loves him and now has a sidekick everywhere she goes. He is a joy, and at least he's not a 50pound puppy that will knock Jaida over every day causing blood.

I promised pictured of the weekend, and i uploaded them today... so here we are... Friday night:

Me, Jenni, Latigo

Jesus: He was our Bartender that night

And then... Jesus became a Photographer for us

Then, there is this picture............ (awkward silence)......................I mean, he licked my face up there in the picture, so i smashed my face on his cheeck and licked him. YES i was wasted, and YES, he is more than pleased about it............ can't you tell. Anyways, it's typical internet courtisy to not post pictures this BAD of your friends or anyone else but since it's ME, i can't post it on MY blog and frankly, if this picture doesn't make you laugh, AND cringe just a little bit........ well, you need to go to bed and start all over again! I digress... on with the pictures:

Latigo, Jeffrey, Jenni and Jake

Jenni GOT BACK.... and Latty? He likes it!!!

Yeah, then all of a sudden Jenni gets angry, starts beating me up! WTF??? :) We were really drunk by now FYI... and having so much fun meeting new people, chatting it up with strangers and taking shots (oh, yeah... that is why i felt horrible Saturday AM) So we headed off from the Squid and Whale down to the Tiki Torch.

AT this place, they play the more 'hip hop dance' music, and we were all having a great time. I had rather tall heels on and before I was smart enough to remove them, i tripped, and landed face first into some strange man's frontal area of his jeans. (YUCK) His girlfriend appeared pissed, but being it was maybe one of the most embarrassing times, and i was JUST drunk enough to pull it off, i just stood up and kept dancing. I think i had denim burn on my nose the next day. The following pictures are outside of the Tiki, shortly after I decided to Spike my hair and sit on the rock.......... Enjoy:

OH WAIT "Says Jeffrey" Dont forget to come back tomorrow to see the pictures of Saturday Night!!!!

I hope you all enjoyed the humiliating pictures...... it's my goal in life to make everyone around me smile or laugh, even if i have to throw myself down the stairs. :) Much love to you all. Peace!

Tuesday, April 14, 2009

Off the Wall Crap:

Good Afternoon Friends! I dont know about you, but i woke up to the SUN today (ha, and they said it would be icky this week!) It feels amazing outside! It's actually so warm on my front deck, i can smell the wood! You know, when the sun heats the deck to a certain temperature and suddenly you can smell it......... that! Ok, so maybe i have a super sniffer... Whatever!

I informed Jaida a moment ago, that we were going to get our cat today.......... funny that she thinks we need two because I was thinking the same thing......... I guess we'll find out. (if i get two cats... we wont be able to go to the zoo this weekend 'financially'........ i think i'll tell her that and see what her decision is)

Did you know you actually CAN make yourself sick eating salad? Well, you can, because i did it today. I figured after the huge cheese lunch i had yesterday that i would slim it down today and have a salad. I ate two.......... i feel sick. So much for healthy!

I came to a stunning realization earlier today- I cant' remember friends birthdays, their kids birthdays or their anniversaries, let alone a phone number (without my cell of course) but i can remember things that all of us did in high school, early HS and Jr. high- even elementary school if you really want to get technical............... WHY?

Why do laundry piles grow no matter how many loads you washed and put up last night? There are only two humans in this house............. WTF!

I'll post later today with pictures of the new addition(s)- Stay tuned............................

Monday, April 13, 2009

Marvelous Monday

It is cold today. The sky is grey without even so much as definition to find a single cloud. It all runs together in the white/grey matter that is the 'theme' of the day for a Spring afternoon. I keep looking over at the dogs, who lay beside and below me sleeping non stop, except to follow me 15 feet away to the kitchen every time I need a drink. In my next life, I want to be a dog.
I want to stand up and bark like a lunatic every time the wind hits the house making me think that someone is approaching my 'territory'. I want to run through the woods like I AM the beast of the mountain, only to return home and let my owner/mommy pick stickers out of my hair NINE times a day and then go right back to sleep after chewing my rawhide bone for a good hour and a half (thus causing my beard to stick together).

The problem with my happy little dogs is that they are so used to having the entire road (dead end cultisac) to themselves and us being the only house up here, they seem to be spoiled by this. Until today it has never been a problem. They are my babies, I mean even the princess of mess (Jaida) calls them her brothers sometimes (ok, dont judge me ... at least they arn't being carried in a pink hand bag!) However, today has been very 'annoying' to say the least. First thing this morning, a jeep drives slowly up my hill, turns around and parks in front of my house. Now, with that being said, keep in mind i work from home most of the time, here i sit on the couch, laptop in ... well my lap and robe on over my every morning while i wait for coffee to brew. At this point, I dont have time to throw anything on, or even comb my hair back, the old man was at my front door like he had jet packs on his shoes. I dont have blinds, or full size curtains so of course i couldn't just sit here and ignore him, i mean he was looking at m
e face to face in my window!

The dogs were on full alarm, Paxton sounding deep and scary as if he had seen a pit on tv and thought he could be 'tough like that', and scamps, well... lets face it, there is NOTHING tough about this dog.... I stepped outside, face to face with a man who's pants were cinched up beneath his nipples with a braided leather belt and a bag over his shoulder with the U.S. Government symbol worn proudly on the side. He was there for the census, apparently until i moved in and made the blue hairs take notice, they didn't know my house existed........ its been here for five years.

It is now 2:30 and i have had to listen to my sweet boys bark all morning. First the census guy, then the newspaper that I will never read but got guilted into it by a 15 year old girl in high waters, the crazy mail man who drives 85 up my dead end road only to turn around like the Dukes of Hazard... yes nutty mail man has returned in the red station wagon. The neighbor hood watch (that watches me waaaaayyyy too much... i thought they protected you i didn't realize neighbor hood watch really means 'we watch YOU', and lastly some random dude in a truck picking up strey wood pieces along the road. I love the location of my house. I love everything about being up here... and until today was very proud to be the ONLY person on this hill because of the lack of traffic, today has made me think about getting a sign to put out. "Slow children at play", except I think those signs are hilarious, and I dont want my daughter to think i'm calling her slow... because she's not, in fact i wish she'd slow down just a bit because she's way wittier than any (almost) 5 year old should be. So i'm just curious if they make those big yellow signs with a mop of a dog on it that says "Drive Slow, Rabid Animals Ahead"... because if they do, i'm SOOO getting one!!!

Speaking of rabid animals. Remember the opossum that lived under my porch? Well he is back, and i think he's a 'neighbor hood' pet. He's blind, for one... he is after all , the same opossum that took off waddling away from me and ran straight off my rock wall. (Yes, i laughed, while i was also very concerned) People often wonder why I care about a opossum. Yes they are rodents (in theory) Yes, they have sharp teeth and carry disease but what doesn't? Seriously! It's not like i'm trying to pick him up, but he's not harming anything or anyone around the house, so i've began feeding him dog food at the edge of my property line. He's blind people..... and he appears to have a messed up back end, how else is he going to get food? My dad calls me Ellie May- Well.... so be it... even the skunks are cute so long as they dont spray my fluffy dog on the front porch anymore!

I can only imagine what the image of my house is now, in your head... opossums under the front porch, crazy dogs with bangs so long they can't see (neither of them over 2 foot tall) a daughter that is a walking witty mess and skunks... not to mention the huge GANGS of deer after dark and the coyotes behind my house............Yeee haw... oh and running water! :)

One last random note of worthiness.... I'm going to adopt a black cat this week. I believe in Karma.. not superstitions. The Humane Society here is packed full of black cats because people here are scared of them. I can't wait to feed it fresh tuna and be proud when it kills the many snakes residing up here. (please heavens, give me a tough cat) because I will not kill anything, even a scary snake... so if a cat does it for me, it's just nature!!! (ah the weird ways we weasel around our beliefs)

And I want to end this post with the things I love:
  1. Cheese
  2. Big Star Jeans- not only do they make your bumkin look great, but you have to get one-two sizes smaller than you wear in anything else... boo yah!
  3. Eternal Love Perfume (Ed Hardy... it smells like candy, i had to buy it and i've not gotten perfume in a LONG TIME)
  4. Baby Feet- My baby's Feet are the best of course but seriously.... they are the only feet on earth worth looking at.
  5. Incense is marvelous, and I burn it now just for the smell.... in high school it was purely to cover things up.... wow how things change.
  6. I love soft sheets
  7. I love to have at least 10+ pillows on my bed
  8. sleeping with my feet hanging out of my blankets
  9. spiking my hair
  10. Hanging out with my beloved friends down town Eureka
  11. Cooking (because yes, i'm good at it!)
  12. and well obviously animals of all types

I hope no matter where you are today that you are warm and cozy either in the house snuggled with someone who makes you feel wonderful, even if it is animals....or baby feet (or a candy bar). I hope if you do have sun you've had a chance to enjoy it on your face while letting the rays kiss your eye lids, the ocean water softly run across your feet or just the soft silence of your own favorite place. No matter how grey and dreary the sky might be here it's still a beautiful day. Much love and peace to you all. Cheers!

Say Cheese!

My apologies to you all for the blurb withdrawals i've seemingly caused by not posting for several days but i'm back, full force and full of lifes fun stories to share and happy pictures to post. I wanted to start today off by sharing with you my lunch. Triscuts- ROCK. I love the new wonderful flavors that Nabisco has graced us with and keep my taste buds coming back for more, Yay Nabisco for yet another addiction to food in my life.

I dont suppose I have any particular person to blame except myself for the creation of such wonderful cheese as the baby swiss and my all time favorite the spicy, creamy and rich pepper jack. Most people i know cringe at the thought of sweet pickles, which is fine, that leaves more for me to devour at lunch with the mass amounts of artery cloggers, at least the pickle is the least fattening. I have come to the conclusion that, I love cheese. Cutting it out of my diet just to fit in my favorite brand of ass lifting jeans is just ridiculous. I am convinced as of late that Miss Me and Big Star Jeans are made for everyone (seriously they have 'mommy' Big Stars, i think it's about damn time) I will just purchase more jeans as my ass grows and make Jenni (who is now being renamed Luna by choice - or still Bettie) sell my old ones on eBay. Problem solved.

Once again it was an eventful weekend here in Eureka. Never a dull moment to be had in this town, at least from my point of view. It started Wednesday with a visit from Mr. Tulsa, I had to introduce him to the worlds best bloody Mary at the Cat House and well, it spiraled into a long awesome evening followed by a very convincing trip to the lake. You see, it was rather chilly that night, I had fully convinced Mr. Tulsa we were going to go to the lake and jump in. Full Moon blazing I loaded him up in my car along with my two favorite robes and some towels. The look on his face was one i've never seen before on a person. It was one of sheer terror, mixed with excitement and a little bit of confusion. The entire five mile ride I knew in my head that I was driving to the lake only to mess with his head. I love to skinny dip, but not when i have a chance of hypothermia, but he didn't know that. We made it all the way to the lake, out on the loading dock, and I laughed my ass off. His face then turned from fear, to sheer relief that we weren't going to jump in and freeze.

Friday Night, I got home and laidon the couch for a while before Jenni informed me she was in fact on her way to my house. I got up and searched for something to wear, changing only 6 times so I was proud of that. Latigo gets off at 9 so we were off to Rouges for some starter drinks... Bloody Mary, of course. Jeffrey- the Hippie Pajama Pants guy I told you about a few weeks ago, wasn't in pajama pants, but he did have pink crocs on.

(Jeff, Latigo, Bambi)

Contrary to what my eyes seem to be saying, I was not intoxicated at this point........... I swear.

Jenni and I

Well My friends, as much as I want to tell you more about the night-Most of the pictures are stuck in my camera, and I can't upload them until I get my flash drive... sorry..... trust me though, I have a few that will no doubt make you laugh until your face hurts..... here's one, just to start

Anchovies- Never eat them before pictures with Hippies in Crocs!