Everything Broken... CAN Be Fixed!

Silence is such a pure, and sometimes unappreciated sound. My idea of silence isn't silence at all but the rush of the wind through the trees, the birds singing and the feeling that maybe my mind can rest. This week I've been sick as hell, happier than i've been in a long time, heard the echo of the center of the universe and spent countless hours alone with my thoughts, for just a few hours of time in another world. Being closed off from entertaining the thought of 'letting' someone in your life is easy to do. It only takes one wound to make you bleed so deep internally that you build a wall you're sure nobody can tear down, just to keep the chance of emotions surfacing to a small percent. The fact is.....I dont think you can be so broken you dont care anymore, no matter how hard you try. YES, we all get broken! Yes, we all fall in love. YES, we all get hurt (sometimes many times over and over) only to tell ourselves never again out of pain when the wound starts to heal into an ugly scar. Sometimes we have no choice but to let people in, maybe it isn't really a choice at all? Maybe, it takes a lot of breaks to heal right? Maybe giving up isn't really the answer.......... or maybe it is, because about the time you throw your hands in the air, stop caring and turn to stone- someone comes along and makes you realize, or at least feel like you are not broken at all, not really it just feels that way.

Purity, in the eyes of a human is rare... at least into adulthood (from what I've seen). Broken, tainted, stained whatever you want to call it, we're all that way.......... but then you happen upon a broken person, on the mend..... with more purity and heart in one glance and more laughter provoking behavior than you imagined you would see again unless looking into a childs eyes.

Its only Thursday. ONLY, it's been a long week.......I'm tiered, i'm recovering, I'm still a tad weak but none of it matters right now because I stood in the center of the universe. I heard something awaken inside of me that i'm not sure i've heard in a while but something, in the sound of my voice, in that miraculous place, where seemingly the entire world could hear my thoughts I recognized someone i once knew. That person I was before life tainted me, broke my heart or stained my path with it's roller coaster ride of a show. My heart is beating again..... in a figure of speaking of course....not a shallow dull beat blocked off so that it is safe from anyone i encounter but a heavy beat, a solid beat.... the sound beat of purity and emotion.

Tomorrow all of my best friends (most of them that can make it) will be here by evening... dressed in their best heels, hair tousled just right and a smile on their faces. It's not often that people make friends at such young ages like I have and kept them for 20 years.......in fact, when each of us mention each other to our new groups of friends, co workers, what have you......... it seems nearly un heard of to have such a close bond after all these years. I've realized lately how lucky i really am to have the friends in my life that i do. I have the life long friends 'the girls'... the ones that make me laugh so much i have abs of steel until my next cheese bender. I have the ones i made later as a teenager, the ones who pop back into life to remind you of who you were, who you are and how far you come just by the reflection in their eyes, and the new ones that you miss when you dont get a text from them every day. I've always appreciated all of these people, but i guess when i closed off my heart, put up my wall, i blocked out a lot of emotions that i never meant to and it's nice to feel them coming back.

I am off to bed, I have a long day of work ahead of me tomorrow, shopping, snack preparation and sadly, cleaning of my daughters room (ugh) before my company arrives. I just thought i'd let the people know, if they read this, how much they all really mean to me and how thankful I am for them in my life. (even if i dont answer phone calls............. :)

I hope your day was productive....emotionally, physically, professionally or whatever. I hope your day was shorter than mine! :) But I also hope the sun was as eager to kiss your nose as it was mine.......... I think i added a few fine lines and wrinkles around the eyes today...... you know......... the good kind! Hugs to you my friends........ rest well..... you never know what Friday may bring! If it feels right, live in the moment and go with the flow! Cheers!