And here we go again............

Have you ever felt something so powerful it consumed your soul, your very being? You dont want to let it consume you, it just does. The power of emotion, passion and laughter takes over and you give in even though something deep inside is telling you to keep your walls up, you bust them down, let someone in and trust with all you have. When I love, I do with with all of me. If I love i give with all I have and all I am and by all that i mean i would literally give my life for someone I love. It seems though, no matter how hard we try or how true it feels that love is almost never returned and within a short amount of time the walls of this blissful bubble begin to pop and realities sink in. I made this list, about this time last year actually, I am starting to think Fall is the season for men to decide suddenly they love me... but. ha! What a fucking joke anyways... love.... i can't count how many times I have written about the emotion that i can honestly say as of right now i KNOW exists but only in the form of love for other beings, not true romantic soul mate kind of love. I know regardless of all relationships people have disagreements, imperfections and love is what makes you accept those regardless of the situation. I do this, all thet time but am baffled by the fact I rarley get this in return. I dont want to give up hope but the straight logic of it all is, what's the fucking point? Not pretty enough, not smart enough, not fit enough, not rich enough, no boobs.... it's always something. But you know what I dig who I am. I just think it's time to be very selective upon the souls i let enter my peaceful being. I let someone in all the way, walls down and I regret it with all I am right now. I have not felt such pain since I lost my mother. In the end it will all be alright, in a bit I will be stronger, ready to take on the world again and a little bit cold hearted than before but it's best really. Apparently a girl like me isn't meant to be loved by one, but all my friends. Relationships are apparently not meant for me. It's always one extreme or the other, i love them too much or they love me too much. What a sick cycle - it ends here. From today forward i have revised my must have and must have NOT list for future dating, when the time comes they must meat this criteria regardless of situations and probably go through the friend test before they even get a first date. In the end, all things happen for a reason and I fell in love, got my heart broken and fell to pieces. Day by day i will pick up those pieces and put myself back together only to find the end result will be the best version of me. It wont be a mistake I make again anytime soon= lesson = All Men Lie- All Men Use- All Men Leave..... two can play at that game, but I refuse to go that low. I wish him peace and love - wait, I hope he figures out the true meaning of love better yet, god knows he must have read his version in fortune cookie. Forgive my bitter heart bloggies... i wish you all peace and light. Namaste.