THE NEW MOON - That must be why i feel this way.

When I started this blog over two years ago it was mainly a way to just vent, to write, unedited freely with my soul and feelings laid out for any passers by to view, to see that out there in the world like them, there was another person who felt like they did or had the same vision. I've revamped this blog several times, once i hit 200 posts i started over again and put most of the prior work into a scramble of pages that will someday grace the title Memoirs- My life through amber colored glasses (steal that title i will hunt you down and break your knee caps)

I've found in the last year i have quite the following. not only those who publically follow, but people who read this just to see what's up in my weird world, see what my thoughts might be, find an uplifting story to cheer them up or at least interesting pictures. i feel i've failed in that area as of late. Letting this weird thing called life take over and leave me no room for my passions like writting (entertaining you people) and taking pictures but i'm finally back on the right path and taking time tonight to ramble a little.

Here i sit in my living room, the one with NO tv, only a sterio, the place i spend my time writting, mediating, thinking and escaping reality. I took a shower earlier, ready for a night out. To witness one of my best friends boyfriends ask her father for her hand in marriage - a christmas program for a special little girl i've grown to see as my own family and then later the Pj PARTY at the cat house with with my favorite group of guys Honkey Suckle who play some mean ass music.... why? Not because I dont want to be there, because i do. for all of it, because i love them all so very much but because i'm in a funk today. Not some sad funk, no.... i'm not all chipper and sunshiny like normal either. I'm more in the 'breath slow in the moment' type mood. No doubt i'll end up at the Cat house in pajamas later, but not for long i assure you- until then i'll lay here on my sofa, the only lights in the house other than my laptop are the white ones on the xmas tree and a pumpkin spice candle flickering in the distance. It is so silent in here my typing is an echo off the highly arched ceilings and the cat purring somewhere in the house, which is kind of scaring me because he's black and i have no clue where he is.

Christmas is coming so fast - JUST because I study Buddhism, doesn't mean i dont celebrate christmas. I have a baby girl and until she decideds what fits her soul as i did my own, we will celebrate every holiday there is, it's life afterall.... all of them. Life is well worth the celebration. Even then i'll have the tree once she's gone, i'm sure. Mainly because even though i dont outwardly admit this, i spend so much time alone during holidays that the tree- even though silent in it's existance, makes me feel like im not really alone. It makes the inevidable Christmas night while Jaida is with her dad that much more cozy and warm, even if it is just me reading by the fire with a tree to help light each page.

I'm definatly in a deep emotional bubble at the moment, feelings and emotions trapped inside slowly gathering in my fingers unsure if I should share here or just write my book. Which will hopefully someday be my saving grace, allowing me to 'work' for myself. Cook all day long with the most beautiful music playing in the background and have dinner ready for my family (or dogs, whatever!) when it's time.

I think i'll sit back, watch a netflix online and then maybe dig through some pj's that are'nt too 'naughty' for public... since that is what the theme is... naughty pj party- i prefer to keep that part for private, but i'm all about sporting my slippers and robe into the bar for an hour so share a glass of wine, dance a jig with my friends and then hurry home to snuggle up for bed.

I hope you all have your warmest wishes at your side tonight, comfort, health, wealth, love or just plain life in general- all you need. Peace my friends. Until tommorrow- when i post drunk pictures of me in my grandma robe in PUBLIC................. HA HA TOTALLY KIDDING I HOPE.