THE NEW MOON - That must be why i feel this way.

When I started this blog over two years ago it was mainly a way to just vent, to write, unedited freely with my soul and feelings laid out for any passers by to view, to see that out there in the world like them, there was another person who felt like they did or had the same vision. I've revamped this blog several times, once i hit 200 posts i started over again and put most of the prior work into a scramble of pages that will someday grace the title Memoirs- My life through amber colored glasses (steal that title i will hunt you down and break your knee caps)

I've found in the last year i have quite the following. not only those who publically follow, but people who read this just to see what's up in my weird world, see what my thoughts might be, find an uplifting story to cheer them up or at least interesting pictures. i feel i've failed in that area as of late. Letting this weird thing called life take over and leave me no room for my passions like writting (entertaining you people) and taking pictures but i'm finally back on the right path and taking time tonight to ramble a little.

Here i sit in my living room, the one with NO tv, only a sterio, the place i spend my time writting, mediating, thinking and escaping reality. I took a shower earlier, ready for a night out. To witness one of my best friends boyfriends ask her father for her hand in marriage - a christmas program for a special little girl i've grown to see as my own family and then later the Pj PARTY at the cat house with with my favorite group of guys Honkey Suckle who play some mean ass music.... why? Not because I dont want to be there, because i do. for all of it, because i love them all so very much but because i'm in a funk today. Not some sad funk, no.... i'm not all chipper and sunshiny like normal either. I'm more in the 'breath slow in the moment' type mood. No doubt i'll end up at the Cat house in pajamas later, but not for long i assure you- until then i'll lay here on my sofa, the only lights in the house other than my laptop are the white ones on the xmas tree and a pumpkin spice candle flickering in the distance. It is so silent in here my typing is an echo off the highly arched ceilings and the cat purring somewhere in the house, which is kind of scaring me because he's black and i have no clue where he is.

Christmas is coming so fast - JUST because I study Buddhism, doesn't mean i dont celebrate christmas. I have a baby girl and until she decideds what fits her soul as i did my own, we will celebrate every holiday there is, it's life afterall.... all of them. Life is well worth the celebration. Even then i'll have the tree once she's gone, i'm sure. Mainly because even though i dont outwardly admit this, i spend so much time alone during holidays that the tree- even though silent in it's existance, makes me feel like im not really alone. It makes the inevidable Christmas night while Jaida is with her dad that much more cozy and warm, even if it is just me reading by the fire with a tree to help light each page.

I'm definatly in a deep emotional bubble at the moment, feelings and emotions trapped inside slowly gathering in my fingers unsure if I should share here or just write my book. Which will hopefully someday be my saving grace, allowing me to 'work' for myself. Cook all day long with the most beautiful music playing in the background and have dinner ready for my family (or dogs, whatever!) when it's time.

I think i'll sit back, watch a netflix online and then maybe dig through some pj's that are'nt too 'naughty' for public... since that is what the theme is... naughty pj party- i prefer to keep that part for private, but i'm all about sporting my slippers and robe into the bar for an hour so share a glass of wine, dance a jig with my friends and then hurry home to snuggle up for bed.

I hope you all have your warmest wishes at your side tonight, comfort, health, wealth, love or just plain life in general- all you need. Peace my friends. Until tommorrow- when i post drunk pictures of me in my grandma robe in PUBLIC................. HA HA TOTALLY KIDDING I HOPE.

Cheesy Ass Shit - Toechiese 2009- Ch. 3

Before I get all caught up in the weekend of drunken fun with my friends I feel the overwhelming urge to share with you that I do in deed have a serial killer in my house. He is long, dark, handsome with the most adoring and glowing green eyes. His voice is soft and deep, and his touch is as if to say 'Pet me'. Panther-Keane=Killer.

Yesterday I was greeted to a lizard head, complete with lizard eggs in front of the door mat. I know- i know this his nature, and he is only trying to bring me gifts, but seriously? What is wrong with the good old fashion pizza, block of cheese or bottle of cheap wine? Lazy ass Cat- get off your ass! Anywho--- After trying to save the lizard eggs (yes i know DIS.GUSTING) i felt it my human need to make up for his bad karma of killing a momma lizard by trying to set the eggs in the sun hoping they will hatch (but not really... just doing my part in the path of Karma). so I let him out again today, Keane- the CAt.. not the lizard head (he's already in the garbage-OUTSIDE) and he'd been out a while. It's a gorgeous day and I can't deny any animal the right to bask in the sun, after all... i spent my lunch break topless on my deck, basking in the sun covered in baby oil- it was refreshing!

As I sat -after lunch of course- with my back to the main window of the living room, working away, i hear him meow- it's muffled though, so i turn slowly to see.... Keane standing proudly outside the window, one hand on the screen the other on his fresh catch.... Alvin- the neighborhood chipmunk, laying lifeless in his grasp. I opened the door, screamed something horrifying in animal noise voice and he dropped the poor munk to the ground and bolted into the house. I began this 'what seems to becoming' a routine, i get a paper towel, tell the kiddo to stay in the other room, and i commence to toss the poor animal into the trash bin. This time i didn't cry, I just felt really bad, and yet at the same time in the back of my head feel safe from any serpents that might try to come my way.... and i love my cat... so there you have it.

UNTIL- later when i see him (odd... i didn't let him out!) running quickly across the front yard and halting under the back of my car. I stood up and raced out there just in time to grab him by the neck and he released the new prey- another chipmunk- so i guess Simon got away and Theodore, wherever he is had better find a good hiding spot. So, one animal saved one killed. it's an even keel here on the hill. I"m doing my best to keep everything alive! Here is a cute picture from Colorado I think you'll like, to bring some LIFE back into the sad Chipmunk Story:

and so... without making you wait anymore for the Saturday Tochiese Festival of 2009 pictures:

TA-DA- SATURDAY!!!

I figured I should start this part of the story off with a classic TARD face done only by me. I swear this will make me famous someday.... It's really kind of fun to look at the picture i posted last (this picture) only we are all normal, then look back at this one real fast, it's like i got kicked in the face. Pretty funny i might add. ON WITH THE SHOW:

this was an actual site in the yard Saturday morning. Apparently the top floor of the house got a little too hot for Lil Mer and she herded herself out to the driveway where the concrete was cold: Cute, isn't it? Mardi Gras Beads (YES from the REAL Mardi Gras in NO) still wrapped around her little arm... awe................ zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

We had to head to Cat House- Again with the bloody Marys'- we were all feeling pretty sluggish but we managed to get our make up on straight- i think?

What is even worse- I didn't even MEAN to make this tard face........ geesus- where in the hell is my helmet when i need it?

It was bike weekend (if i didn't mention that before) so of course the streets were radding with the exhaust pipes echo of Harley's, Custom Choppers, and even a few Crotch Rockets (geez)

Then come the sober lip contests: I wont say it out loud that Merrie has the best lips of us all- i'll just type it publicly-

And so on with a few more bikes before I tell you about shopping!! AND ending up dressed like twinky's with your friend............ how-dee-do!

Pretty, Pretty, Pretty............................ I think It would fit me juuuuuust right!

BUT... this bike? SEXY SEXY SEXY SEXY SEXXXXXXXXXXXYYYYY! I would Make love to this bike on a daily basis, beg and plead to make it's every single wish my command and even spit shine it's wheels- DAMMMN thing is smokin!!!!!!!!

Ok, sorry about that. I suppose I should head into the bathroom and take a freezing cold shower after that - wheew.

I think i'll leave you with this much of the story, and fill you in on the shopping and continuous adventure into the night tomorrow. Gotta keep you coming back for more raw surprises dont i?

Much love to you all- may the sun be shinning on your face, kissing you ever so softly and making your cheeks blush just right. CHEERS

Tocheise 2009- Chapter 1

Shoes- Yellow: Brianne Flops: Amanda Purple/Shine: Merrie Zebra/Red: Me and Sexy Red Leopard: Jenni

It's truly amazing, the friends I have. Most of them i've had since I moved to Missouri at the young age of 7- or was it 6? In any case, a handful of us, whom have been friends for so many years got together last weekend. Fun was defiantly had by all, and we missed the girls that couldn't make it. We coined it Tochiese Fest 2009 and plan to have this as an annual thing.

After the many jokes about us wearing helmets for our night on the town, we settled for sippy cups and lays from Wal-Mart-

Friday everyone showed up in different times, we all gathered, got dressed, got caught up and went to dinner at Rouges where we had (i was the only one who ate dinner) great food (and the rest had appetizers.. cheap drunks anyways .lol.)

on the left: Jenni and Merrie (aka Lil Mer) on the Right: my huge face, Brianne and then Amanda's hand- not sure how she managed to weasel out of this picture... but i'll show her off in a bit.

Brianne and I at dinner- Not sure why i can't take a serious picture....... ever... but she looks so cute in this one!

We ate dinner, had some laughs about various things, such as the penis shaped bread:

Of course Jenni and Mer wanted to get a 'pre' wasted picture, posing wasted... if you understand what i just said.... i'm not sure i do!

The night continued of course at the Cat House- does anyone see the 'theme' here? when people come to town, I take them there... because of the BEST Bloodys in the world, and probably because the coolest people work there!Here we are: Amanda, Mer, Jenni, Me and Brianne- good times peeps, good times! We all hung out, the girls got to meet a lot of my new found friends here. Even a lady who carries Sugar Gliders in her purse ?!? weird! Three of them to be exact- and when asked 'do they bite' she replies in a drunk slurr "well.... yeah... sometimes" ok, i'll pass on having my fingers eaten off by a semi squirrel, even though i love squirrels.

Jenni and I had sparkly belt buckles- SUPER!

so of course, as the night leads on, the tongues come out, as well as the shots and fun is had by all, like THAT is any surprise. We can into Eric and Dave, our friends who play in 'Honky Suckle'- bad ass folky, blues type music and they hung out with us the rest of the night. Latty showed up, so did a few others.... we eventually ended up at the Tiki Torch, dancing........ again.

The night went on, and on.... eventually ending at my house where the guys played music for us until the ass crack of dawn, but those funny pictures, and the reason we have called this gathering Tochiese (toe cheese) will be explained to you a bit more, followed by WAY wasted and yet some what erotic pictures snapped through the night. I'll leave you with my all time favorite- my love affair with a beautiful yellow bike

Whimsical Wednesday

I love Wednesday. It's that one day of the week that feels like 'it's all down hill from here', and it is... but when it is 70 degrees outside, the sun is beaming and calling my name, it is hard as hell to keep my eyes on the computer and not spaced out in the trees with the birds.

My family has decided to do a 'Family Reunion' the first week of August, truth be told, I couldn't be more excited about it. The last time I went to a reunion it was in BFD Kansas. It was fun, but I was 13, goofy looking, quiet and shy.... ok, it wasn't really that fun. This one will be in Yellowstone, or somewhere up NORTH, and i've never been. Wyoming, yes... to get illegal fireworks to bring back to Colorado, but that was about it. This will be Jaida's first trip on a plane (unless i decide to hop a flight for her bday surprise, it's in the air) and i couldn't be happier. I made sure to book the window seats on all flights, JUST for her. I remember flying when I was little. I dont think my face left that window, I was glued from take off to landing.

There has always been a certain magic about flying so high. Once you reach that certain point you can see where the earth starts to round, and the dark of the universe is above you. It is to me, like the closest to Heaven you can get, while still in your earthly body. Every time I have ever flown since my childhood, if i have a choice, i get the window. It is her turn and I look forward to seeing the excitement in her sweet brown eyes.

This will be the first time I see my Aunt, Uncle (his family), Cousins and their family that are immediate blood lines since after my mom died. I'm excited that this, will be under happy circumstances!

I have the windows open today, a statement you will likley hear every day from this point forward, but I can't help but cherish it. I can hear the wood bees buzzing around my house, planning their attack to drill into the siding. I filled up my hummingbird feeders, hanging just outside my window, to prepare for the migration of the cute little winged friends in the coming weeks. The breeze keeps whisking in the smell of cut grass from the distance and the sweet smell of lilac or something of the sort growing out in the woods. It is not a full scent, but a faint and scattered one, a scent I could follow around my house, truth be told.

It is a most beautiful of days today... I couldn't ask for a better one. I'm looking forward to spending time with an old friend tonight, getting to know him again after 12-13 years of absence. I think i'll start off at the Cat House, introduce him to my favorite pub and my favorite place to get a good Bloody Mary... Then off to Beavertown... he doesn't believe me that we have a place called Beavertown. I love proving i'm right!

I hope your day is beautiful, the breeze is ever calming and the fresh cut grass doesn't make you sneeze. Peace and Cheers to you my wonderful friends!

PS- Thank you all for voting, the ones that have.... I'm so Glad you like the new 'digs'.