Waking up on Rainy Days

Rain is refreshing, in most cases. Ideally I would be home in bed today, window open, ceiling fan on, bundled up in soft sheets with a warm comforter smothering me head to toe. Watching something on TV like '48 Hours Mystery' or in all actuality I would be sleeping the day away. I haven't taken a day to myself in a long time. Every hour or full day of work that I have missed has simply been for someone else.

I look back at the past ... trying to understand really. What happened? Since when had I become nothing of myself? I don't do anything for ME anymore, My thoughts literally circle family, and friends but at what point do you draw the line and just do what you WANT FOR YOU? I believe in making other people happy, in treating them with the same respect that I would wish to be treated with. I believe in loving as strongly and deeply as possible and always being kind, and loving all living beings. I still do, to an extent except today I sit in reflection trying to understand how it came to be that I get talked down to by loved ones and sit and take it, eyes to the floor tongue bitten in an attempt to quiet thoughts. I am no longer entitled to an opinion in life, about anything apparently without being cussed out and called names. WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED HERE?

Trying to find the strength you once had isn't really easy at all, it takes time, support, and health on all levels and none of that I have time for. I don't know why I don't just make the time, maybe it's to the point I might not feel like I'm worth the time, or just so used to it now that it no longer matters. I DO KNOW though, that unless I find happiness in my own eyes again that I cannot continue to help others or make them happy, and truth be told I don't think I am too far gone.

Thank you Chuck, as always for your uplifting comments on my blog. Though I don't really know you, and have only read excerpts from your books, I hold you in the highest regard as a word smith. You take the most simple of words and create an emotion that as the reader, I feel deep within my soul. To have someone with your talent read my blog is uplifting in itself. So thank you!

Not much more to say today so I will leave you with a few shots from the family Vacation in St. Louis. I really miss my 35mm... TRUE color, TRUE art... NOT a fan of digital at all..... or the damn date stamp that I forgot to remove - they make for such tacky pictures! In Any case, I hope you can see past it... I am trying :) Peace and Love Ya'll!

This is in the STL City Museum- Used to be an old Bank, I found the vault intriguing.

This is simply a picture of glass reflecting a staircase... amazing to me!