The Beatles... and My Bubble

I've spent a lot of time in my life trying to do nice things for other people. NOT because the good deeds I do in this life are going to make my next life that much better, but because it just feels right as a human and even if nobody notices, which is more fun when they dont, It makes my heart smile. So now that the 'cheese' is out for the day here is a super duper wonderful thing that happened to me yesterday (and NO, not the odd weakness and near panic attack)

I had been laying in the bathroom floor of the handicap stall here at work. Yes, I know, that sounds pretty fucking disgusting, but the bathrooms here, in my defense are cleaned nightly and very well i might add. Not that it mattered much because the floor was cold and it felt good to just lay there feet from the toilet on my blanket vs. sitting in my cubical praying that i didn't get sick on my WAY to the bathroom .... a fucking mile accross the building. I was in there for a good 20 minutes until i realized that people were going to know exactly who i was... my red heels were hanging out of the door. Not too many people get real creative with shoes around here... probably just Jenni and I truth be told... oh and the princesses! (they have bad ass shoes)

ANYWAYS- short story made super duper long someone did something super nice for me... out of the blue... Karma paid me back yesterday... I got back to my seat to find a VHS (yes you read that right) of the Beatles, and a book called Shout laying in my chair:


Now, if you know me at ALL, you probably figured out that no matter how shitty i felt, i nearly screamed loud enough to bust the glass out of the entire building. Surprises from people out of the blue are the best kind of surprise, espeically when you know by the gift that they thought of YOU. I was barley over the goosebumps and holding back the happy tears when an instant message popped on my screen. "Are you here today?" Immediatly I knew. His name is Phil. I've worked with him since I started working for JHA off a contract over 6 years ago. He is probably in his 50's. He is a very kind hearted man, with a sense of humor like very few of us in this world. He can tell a joke with the best of them and take a joke even better. He is and always has been a single man. Lost his mother only a few years ago (how lucky to have your parents that long) He is balding on top, but has grown the back of his hair out past his shoulders as if to tell society to go to hell in the kindest way. He wears a button down shirt every day, nothing fancy and glasses that appear to be as old as he is. Its not often you find truly genuine people in the work place. Espeically one so full of intelligent people like this one. Around every corner there are people with masters degrees in various departments of the geek world i only understand a tiny amount of. The things these people can do, it truly is amazing and scary at the same time. You can trust that if we handle your banks software... it's in GOOD hands... i promise! Anyways, Phil has been a person i would consider a friend for years now. I dont see him very often, only in passing on the way to the lunchroom, I banter with him about how he should put his hair in pigtails because that would be awesome... he gives me shit about whatever odd clothing i'm wearing or if i have 'caused any trouble laltey'.

I answered the Instant message from him with a very excited "Yes, I'm here... did you leave this Beatles stuff in my chair??" to which he replies "Well, I was cleaning out my library and ran accross that stuff, figured you more than anyone would appreciate it" I nearly busted into tears, ok, ok, truth is I did cry! I think i cry more at work than any other time. I thanked him over and over and over again, as i flipped through the book seeing pictures of the four men who seem to have such a magnetic hold on me, and Lennon was killed the year i was born.........I HAD to lived in the 50-70's in my last life... had to! I'm going home tonight, digging out my VHS player and watching that movie! I plan to shut my phone off.... not that i have paid ANY attention to it for days now... and eating chicken salad on triscuts while watching the most amazing group of men that I would have given anything to see live before the end of their days as a group. I just wish Ringo still took fan mail... because I have a lot to say to him as the most unappreciated Beatle of all. Paul... he's just a cutie and YES i know he could be my father! I am a sucker for big puppy dog eyes! Truth be told, George - other than Lennon was my second favorite though... the man was a beautiful soul with the ability to write songs that make your heart sing, or bleed depending on the expression in his words. RIP to him and John.

So anyways... that is the cool thing that happened yesterday, other than sleeping like a zombie from basically 1-9 then 11-7 this morning. Life stress kicks my ass physically, I dont get it... i really dont.



I took this picture last Friday evening while laying on a blanket in the grass. Jaida and Jenni's boys were blowing bubbles and had apparently blown so much around that area the grass was coated in soap. I find it interesting how something as small as a blade of grass can be so sharp and abraisive, yet hold something as fragile and soft as a bubble.

I live my life in a bubble... I admit that. I like it here. The sun seems to shine just a little bit brighter, the water runs a little clearer and the trees dance just a tad softer. I block out a lot of the ugly things in life in order to keep my bubble softly around me, protecting me from the harsh outside world. Once in a while, that blade of grass slices through my beautiful bubble and causes my heart to bleed for all of the things i've been protected from in side this beautiful world of mine. The reality of finances and pay cuts, bills and fake designer bags. The fact that animals really do get killed in the road, and the meat I can't seem to stop eating didn't 'give it'self to me' someone actually killed it and probaly in a violent manner. The water that rushes under my favorite bridge is probably more poluted than I want to believe, and not by anything other than humans and their inability to care for nature by tossing trash out the window or flushing chemicals into the ground. I get physically ill when my bubble bursts all around me leaving me vulnerable to the real world. Maybe this little world of pure existance doesn't really exist to anyone else, but it does to me. ODD, yes, that I get physically sick when it all builds up and finally hits me like a brick wall.... but it's only a 24 hour illness that i purge and recover from after sleeping like the dead for almost a full day.

I look around and see people totally consumed by the sadness that affects them so deeply on a daily basis that dark rings set in around their eyes brining a dark void to their eyes as if the soul has laid down waving a white flag and it breaks my heart. I plan to eat lunch here in the office today and head back home... to my oasis of serene natural beauty and pure peace on my little piece of heaven, or my bubble of a house. Maybe I shouldn't ignore the shitty things in life, because they build up causing me to hibernate until i build my energy back... but you know something? I would rather spend 24 hours a month sick, weak, sleepy and bland... then every single day without a smile on my face.

I woke up today to the sun shining on my face and my daughters foot on my forehead. I have never been happier to have a foot in my face... in fact that is the ONLY foot allowed close to me! (including my own... i would take them off at the door if i could still walk without them)

It's a beautiful day here in my bubble! The sky is an ocean blue so inviting as to say 'welcome back my friend', the air smells sweet with a hint of summer just around the corner as if to remind me spring is packing it's bags and heading away. I have a Beatles movie calling my name in the sexiest of British accents and a book with a few pictures that i'm not sure i've seen before along with a 'biography' of the men whos voices echo in my soul and bring a smile to my heart. I hope your day is full of laughter and smiles, calm peaceful rest or just a cheerful feeling. I hope your bubble shows the true reflection of the world to be nothing more than beautiful and the ugliness that looms in the wake of every day, never can catch up with you! Have a supurb afternoon peeps.