If I were to die today
the world would continue to shine.
My clouds feel so dark and grey
because you never were mine.
If sadness keeps my heart chains locked
And all of the smiles fake,
the love I feel inside my heart
will do nothing but further the ache.
Feelings of loss and lonliness
Take over my daily life
Wondering how I can continue this way
Makes me feel nothing but strife.
I love my daughter to the trust of true
And my father the one who cares
The rest of the world just uses my heart
To relieve the burden of theirs.
Thoughts of death make me smile
To see her face again
Thinking of things left behind
Material is all that they’ve been
If I knew that she would be fine without me
Or continue her life without hate in her heart
Then I would leave this earth today to see….
The unseen most beautiful part.
I’ve never felt as alone before
As I do sitting here today
I wonder how long a girl can go
Living her life this way?
Monday, January 31, 2011
Alone By The River
Sitting all alone
On a log beside the river
I saw your face beside me,
My heart began to quiver.
Your eyes like glowing embers
Full of something, I just don’t know.
What the future holds? … it might be.
Yet, so afraid to show.
The water runs so freely
Like the feelings trapped inside.
I wish that it could be me,
for right now, it has to hide.
So until the sunsets,
on a day we can see the truth.
You will be right there beside me,
until I give you proof.
By Bambi Hill
On a log beside the river
I saw your face beside me,
My heart began to quiver.
Your eyes like glowing embers
Full of something, I just don’t know.
What the future holds? … it might be.
Yet, so afraid to show.
The water runs so freely
Like the feelings trapped inside.
I wish that it could be me,
for right now, it has to hide.
So until the sunsets,
on a day we can see the truth.
You will be right there beside me,
until I give you proof.
By Bambi Hill
Alone By The River
Sitting all alone
On a log beside the river
I saw your face beside me,
My heart began to quiver.
Your eyes like glowing embers
Full of something, I just don’t know.
What the future holds? … it might be.
Yet, so afraid to show.
The water runs so freely
Like the feelings trapped inside.
I wish that it could be me,
for right now, it has to hide.
So until the sunsets,
on a day we can see the truth.
You will be right there beside me,
until I give you proof.
By Bambi Hill
On a log beside the river
I saw your face beside me,
My heart began to quiver.
Your eyes like glowing embers
Full of something, I just don’t know.
What the future holds? … it might be.
Yet, so afraid to show.
The water runs so freely
Like the feelings trapped inside.
I wish that it could be me,
for right now, it has to hide.
So until the sunsets,
on a day we can see the truth.
You will be right there beside me,
until I give you proof.
By Bambi Hill
A Memory Lost in Time
Occasionally out of the blue, a song will come on the radio, or shuffle on your iPod that seemingly catches you off track. It immediately puts a smile on your face, takes you back 15 years in an instant. To a place you knew and still know as one of the happiest times of your life. You close your eyes for a moment, standing face to the sun and let the memory sweep you off your feet, back in time, to that very moment.
I sit here, eyes closed and I can smell sandalwood incense mixed with the rush of ‘Elizabeth Arden’s Red Door’ Perfume. The beat starts slow…. “la la la la, la……” just acoustic Guitar and the soft sweet voice of Cat Stevens breaks in….. “Now that I’ve lost everything to you, you say you want to start something new……….” I hear her voice chime in as she enters from the other room in my minds’ eye I see it as if it were right now, feel the positive happy energy of a home created with love and smiles, happiness and a lot of sweat and tears.
She’s standing in the kitchen, the sunlight bouncing off of her bright blonde hair as if she were coming out of the sun itself. “Ohhh baby baby it’s a wild world” she grabs my hand and twirls me around “it’s hard to get by, just upon a smile”. Her eyes so bright when she looks at me I can’t help but laugh and then twirl her as she did me. As we dance, there in the spring afternoon… the windows open letting in the cool crisp air, it swirls in with the scent of her perfume and incense making a permanent mark in my heart, my mind and most importantly my soul.
“You know I’ve seen a lot of what the world can do”, she sings softly holding her hand across her heart with a look of intensity in her eyes. She always sang this song to me it wasn’t just a song for us, it was her message… through the art of a man so many didn’t understand directly to me, yet I wouldn’t realize that until she was gone…. “and it’s breaking my heart in two, cause I never want to see you sad girl…. Don’t be a bad girl!”…. “If you wanna leave take good care, hope you make a lot of nice friends out there, just remember there’s a lot of bad and beware!.... ooh baby baby it’s a wild world……it’s hard to get by just upon a smile. Oh baby baby it’s a wild world and I’ll always remember you like a child girl (la la la mixed with piano) BABY I LOVE YOU!” (we would sing as loudly as possible)
By this time we are moving around the room like I used to imagine hippies did at Woodstock, eyes closed holding hands, swaying back and forth singing softly to one another dancing in and out of the smoky rays of sun coming through the windows with the bright spring colors following, as if they had joined our soul dance.
“I’ll always remember you, like a child girl……………. “ the song faded away just as softly as it had begun. Opening my eyes, I realize I’m not there, in that house with my mom, but for a minute I was. A small tear forms in the corner of my eye. Wiping it away and breathing in, sitting up straight in my chair, a tear falls involuntarily before I can catch it with my aged fingers, the fingers that are starting to look like hers, but with finger nails. I smile glancing inconspicuously into the reflection of the picture of her and I, checking to be sure my makeup wasn’t smeared where the small drop of emotion had escaped. It’s all good. I got to be 15 again, even if just for a moment, even if just in a day dream, a memory, She was here with me, memory or not I can still smell her and I can’t help but smile. I hear her in my voice sometimes, I see her reflection as I walk past a mirror. I try to avoid it mostly, it’s the only thing that makes the day bearable sometimes … just knowing that a huge part of me is just like her, it makes it easy not to miss her as much.
There is a little brown eyed girl sitting in school right now, she has her daddy’s eyes and nose, but her mommy’s smile and the same spark that runs in the eye of every woman in our family. It’s a fire. It burns deep, it’s strong. It’s what gets us through the tough days and lights us up on the great ones. It’s the god within us, there passed down from generation to generation to remind us when we do catch that glimpse, that spark, that fire………. To hold our head up, smile and keep on dancing!
I sit here, eyes closed and I can smell sandalwood incense mixed with the rush of ‘Elizabeth Arden’s Red Door’ Perfume. The beat starts slow…. “la la la la, la……” just acoustic Guitar and the soft sweet voice of Cat Stevens breaks in….. “Now that I’ve lost everything to you, you say you want to start something new……….” I hear her voice chime in as she enters from the other room in my minds’ eye I see it as if it were right now, feel the positive happy energy of a home created with love and smiles, happiness and a lot of sweat and tears.
She’s standing in the kitchen, the sunlight bouncing off of her bright blonde hair as if she were coming out of the sun itself. “Ohhh baby baby it’s a wild world” she grabs my hand and twirls me around “it’s hard to get by, just upon a smile”. Her eyes so bright when she looks at me I can’t help but laugh and then twirl her as she did me. As we dance, there in the spring afternoon… the windows open letting in the cool crisp air, it swirls in with the scent of her perfume and incense making a permanent mark in my heart, my mind and most importantly my soul.
“You know I’ve seen a lot of what the world can do”, she sings softly holding her hand across her heart with a look of intensity in her eyes. She always sang this song to me it wasn’t just a song for us, it was her message… through the art of a man so many didn’t understand directly to me, yet I wouldn’t realize that until she was gone…. “and it’s breaking my heart in two, cause I never want to see you sad girl…. Don’t be a bad girl!”…. “If you wanna leave take good care, hope you make a lot of nice friends out there, just remember there’s a lot of bad and beware!.... ooh baby baby it’s a wild world……it’s hard to get by just upon a smile. Oh baby baby it’s a wild world and I’ll always remember you like a child girl (la la la mixed with piano) BABY I LOVE YOU!” (we would sing as loudly as possible)
By this time we are moving around the room like I used to imagine hippies did at Woodstock, eyes closed holding hands, swaying back and forth singing softly to one another dancing in and out of the smoky rays of sun coming through the windows with the bright spring colors following, as if they had joined our soul dance.
“I’ll always remember you, like a child girl……………. “ the song faded away just as softly as it had begun. Opening my eyes, I realize I’m not there, in that house with my mom, but for a minute I was. A small tear forms in the corner of my eye. Wiping it away and breathing in, sitting up straight in my chair, a tear falls involuntarily before I can catch it with my aged fingers, the fingers that are starting to look like hers, but with finger nails. I smile glancing inconspicuously into the reflection of the picture of her and I, checking to be sure my makeup wasn’t smeared where the small drop of emotion had escaped. It’s all good. I got to be 15 again, even if just for a moment, even if just in a day dream, a memory, She was here with me, memory or not I can still smell her and I can’t help but smile. I hear her in my voice sometimes, I see her reflection as I walk past a mirror. I try to avoid it mostly, it’s the only thing that makes the day bearable sometimes … just knowing that a huge part of me is just like her, it makes it easy not to miss her as much.
There is a little brown eyed girl sitting in school right now, she has her daddy’s eyes and nose, but her mommy’s smile and the same spark that runs in the eye of every woman in our family. It’s a fire. It burns deep, it’s strong. It’s what gets us through the tough days and lights us up on the great ones. It’s the god within us, there passed down from generation to generation to remind us when we do catch that glimpse, that spark, that fire………. To hold our head up, smile and keep on dancing!
Thursday, September 9, 2010
It Is The Small Things That I Love The Most
Have you ever seen something so beautiful it literally made you stop breathing for a moment? Something SO captivating you found yourself in a completely different world in utter amazement?
I am by no means an insect lover, they all have their place as do I and being in love with the outdoors makes them a big part of my life, but there are a few small creatures that I don't mind to have land on me while floating down the river, or sitting among the trees. Butterflies and Dragonflies. They don't take anything from you, cause itching or swelling because of their vicious little bite, suck your blood or infest your garden. They, to me, seem to give more than they receive in multiple ways, however the one I most appreciate is the soft silence they offer, the intense color they portray and the seemingly effortless flight that keeps them just on top of the water without touching or landing as if they are not even there.
I saw a dragonfly today that I have never seen before. I do see a lot of dragonflys- i spend a lot of time around the water and therefore enjoy these creatures quite often and marvel at their existence. This particular day though has been one of indescribable anguish, pain, sadness, and pure frustration that even the rain isn't washing away.
I have to admit that while questioning so much of the universal existence of sociology I would rather stare at a bug on any given day!
Like a helicopter, which I am positive I was told (or I made it up and believed it to be true) was actually designed from the dragonfly originally due to it's mobility.....the dragon fly has huge eyes, or...a million tiny eyes making up one, it is the larger part of this insect. I have a problem even calling them insects they are THAT pretty to me. This one though, bright green eyes with blue dots, a very long body tapered at the end it slowly transformed from a florescent green at the neck, to the most beautiful teal, blue and then nearly purple tip of it's tail. In my life I've never seen one those colors. It hovered there, directly in my face then moving away to the side and returning back only feet from my face as if it were peering back at me in the same "is this real" moment.
Mentally dancing with a dragonfly- I have officially become a dreamer beyond my wildest imagination!
I hope this crisp, damn and rather monotone gloomy looking day be warm, happy and beautiful through your window! Cheers.
I am by no means an insect lover, they all have their place as do I and being in love with the outdoors makes them a big part of my life, but there are a few small creatures that I don't mind to have land on me while floating down the river, or sitting among the trees. Butterflies and Dragonflies. They don't take anything from you, cause itching or swelling because of their vicious little bite, suck your blood or infest your garden. They, to me, seem to give more than they receive in multiple ways, however the one I most appreciate is the soft silence they offer, the intense color they portray and the seemingly effortless flight that keeps them just on top of the water without touching or landing as if they are not even there.
I saw a dragonfly today that I have never seen before. I do see a lot of dragonflys- i spend a lot of time around the water and therefore enjoy these creatures quite often and marvel at their existence. This particular day though has been one of indescribable anguish, pain, sadness, and pure frustration that even the rain isn't washing away.
I have to admit that while questioning so much of the universal existence of sociology I would rather stare at a bug on any given day!
Like a helicopter, which I am positive I was told (or I made it up and believed it to be true) was actually designed from the dragonfly originally due to it's mobility.....the dragon fly has huge eyes, or...a million tiny eyes making up one, it is the larger part of this insect. I have a problem even calling them insects they are THAT pretty to me. This one though, bright green eyes with blue dots, a very long body tapered at the end it slowly transformed from a florescent green at the neck, to the most beautiful teal, blue and then nearly purple tip of it's tail. In my life I've never seen one those colors. It hovered there, directly in my face then moving away to the side and returning back only feet from my face as if it were peering back at me in the same "is this real" moment.
Mentally dancing with a dragonfly- I have officially become a dreamer beyond my wildest imagination!
I hope this crisp, damn and rather monotone gloomy looking day be warm, happy and beautiful through your window! Cheers.
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