Standing at a cross road
with my eyes toward the sky
wondering which way to go
and also asking why
each road appears to lead me
into a brand new place
behind me the road itself
seems to disappear without a trace
the good, they bad the ugly
no longer exist here
all smiles and happy thoughts
begin to replace my fear
slowly walking forward
i find a confidence
that i had thought i lost
when i put up this fence
still guarded in a safety net
i open up a bit
to see that now the path for me
has been sufficiently lit
I take a moment to thank you
for what you left behind
for making me a woman
with such an open mind
i miss you very much you see
but that i cannot show
as much as you have helped me
learn how to 'just let go'
and so, i look away from you
back towards this path of mine
leaving you in heaven now
because i know you're now just fine
don't worry though i know you're there
still watching over me
you helped me form the life i have
and who I'm supposed to be
Wednesday, March 21, 2012
Thursday, February 16, 2012
The Meadow- By Alicia Goranson
*I found the blog of Alicia G. (also known as Becky I in the sitcom Rosanne - i loved that show) and began reading her poems on her blog (http://www.aliciagoranson.blogspot.com/) I really enjoyed them, and then i found this one and LOVED IT :) Fitting for the movie and myself...
The Meadow
As Bambi's mother
Led her fawn
Onto the meadow
And was gone,
So I was shown,
And, thus, exposed
To pastures where
Foreboding bodes.
Without the trees
That hide the sun,
The vast expanse
Belied the gun.
For when the shot
Shattered the calm,
The earth became
A maelstrom.
The moment's shock,
The past forgot,
I ran to where
I had been not.
In foreign forests,
Overgrown,
I realized
I was alone.
And in the absence
Of my mother,
The canopy,
My only cover,
The meadow, then,
Proposed a test
Of fortitude
And mindfulness.
While I still graze
Beyond the grove,
The hand recalls
The burning stove.
The Meadow
As Bambi's mother
Led her fawn
Onto the meadow
And was gone,
So I was shown,
And, thus, exposed
To pastures where
Foreboding bodes.
Without the trees
That hide the sun,
The vast expanse
Belied the gun.
For when the shot
Shattered the calm,
The earth became
A maelstrom.
The moment's shock,
The past forgot,
I ran to where
I had been not.
In foreign forests,
Overgrown,
I realized
I was alone.
And in the absence
Of my mother,
The canopy,
My only cover,
The meadow, then,
Proposed a test
Of fortitude
And mindfulness.
While I still graze
Beyond the grove,
The hand recalls
The burning stove.
Friday, January 20, 2012
Day 20 of this diet and exercise routine/resolution and I am so proud to say that this has been a full on success! To my knowledge I've never set a resolution nor given much thought to sticking with something that I promised myself for the 'New Year' but I did it this year and I have stuck to it. They say it takes 21 days to make or break a habit so here's to good habits!
Winter is here, and as much as I despise the bitter cold weather and grey skies, we have been 'blessed' this year with very few super cold days and NO winter weather as of yet. Typically I would rejoice however I only see this as a really scary sign from Mother Nature. Either there is a storm coming in February and March or Global Warming is just showing it's ugly head and though it is likely both, it scares the hell out of me. I truly love and value nature, even if I do not enjoy some of the things that come along with it, it is just part of what makes life so neat to experience. Like the roller coaster of life, so are the seasons. The winter is dull and sad only to lead us by the hand into beautiful spring and summer with sun and laughter. The thought of the affects that Global Warming has had on this planet are terrifying to me.
While watching Planet Earth last night, which by the way to me is like meditation and education mixed into one full hour of amazing footage, beautiful music and creatures that take my breath away. Last night was the Ocean, or part of it. While watching the segment about how a full on microscopic 'world' so to speak is thriving one moment from the very depths of the ocean, a shift in the earths plates can cause that small world to disappear in almost no time, taking from that particular world the energy and food (bacteria) that it was living on and transferring that energy to another part of the Ocean floor. How quickly that tiny world died. The scary part was when I started to compare our world to that of the the one on the Ocean floor. Our world seems so large to us, but in the scope of things we are but a speck in the mass universe of who knows how many other 'worlds' that we are unaware. Maybe the thought of how quickly our life forces could be taken away was really what scared me, but also how we treat our planet is heart breaking.
Like some kind of virus though, we have our share of horrible 'humans' too if they even deserve such a title. All species have a 'bad seed' but I saw one of ours on TV last night that really got under my skin. I dislike politics in general. No matter how hard I tried to study to find which 'party' I should belong too, the more I realized that neither Democratic OR Republican fit the bill for me. They both have good and bad aspects and seemingly the bad always outweigh the good. Then last night Randall Terry showed his scary face on the news and I sat there staring in disgust. I don't care what your views are on abortion, you stand by them if you believe one way or the other but this man is a lunatic! Not only had he switched from his long time stand of Republican to now be a Democrat because he is, and I quote 'on a mission to take votes from Obama' and wants to make abortion the number one issue in congress. WTF?? Really? of all things, Abortion should be our number one concern? Our damn country is swirling the drain and this man thinks putting images of dismembered babies on the Superbowl commercial is going to solve, what?? This is just one more reason I despise politics, politicians... I know without a government that no doubt we would rip one another up, it's proven time and time again with natural disasters. Instead of banning together to help one another we see people looting, killing one another in mass chaos. Why can't we take a lesson from the Japanese and HELP one another??? I love America and I love the freedoms we have here but it is people like this who make my skin crawl and anger boil. The last thing I need is my child to see torn up babies on national television. I am just disgusted!
to end this post on a much lighter note though it is FRIDAY, and for a short work week it has been awfully long week and I am so excited to get out of town with great friends this weekend and head to Eureka Springs, where a piece of my heart still dwells.
Wishing you all Peace and Love and for a very safe and happy Weekend-
Namaste!
Winter is here, and as much as I despise the bitter cold weather and grey skies, we have been 'blessed' this year with very few super cold days and NO winter weather as of yet. Typically I would rejoice however I only see this as a really scary sign from Mother Nature. Either there is a storm coming in February and March or Global Warming is just showing it's ugly head and though it is likely both, it scares the hell out of me. I truly love and value nature, even if I do not enjoy some of the things that come along with it, it is just part of what makes life so neat to experience. Like the roller coaster of life, so are the seasons. The winter is dull and sad only to lead us by the hand into beautiful spring and summer with sun and laughter. The thought of the affects that Global Warming has had on this planet are terrifying to me.
While watching Planet Earth last night, which by the way to me is like meditation and education mixed into one full hour of amazing footage, beautiful music and creatures that take my breath away. Last night was the Ocean, or part of it. While watching the segment about how a full on microscopic 'world' so to speak is thriving one moment from the very depths of the ocean, a shift in the earths plates can cause that small world to disappear in almost no time, taking from that particular world the energy and food (bacteria) that it was living on and transferring that energy to another part of the Ocean floor. How quickly that tiny world died. The scary part was when I started to compare our world to that of the the one on the Ocean floor. Our world seems so large to us, but in the scope of things we are but a speck in the mass universe of who knows how many other 'worlds' that we are unaware. Maybe the thought of how quickly our life forces could be taken away was really what scared me, but also how we treat our planet is heart breaking.
Like some kind of virus though, we have our share of horrible 'humans' too if they even deserve such a title. All species have a 'bad seed' but I saw one of ours on TV last night that really got under my skin. I dislike politics in general. No matter how hard I tried to study to find which 'party' I should belong too, the more I realized that neither Democratic OR Republican fit the bill for me. They both have good and bad aspects and seemingly the bad always outweigh the good. Then last night Randall Terry showed his scary face on the news and I sat there staring in disgust. I don't care what your views are on abortion, you stand by them if you believe one way or the other but this man is a lunatic! Not only had he switched from his long time stand of Republican to now be a Democrat because he is, and I quote 'on a mission to take votes from Obama' and wants to make abortion the number one issue in congress. WTF?? Really? of all things, Abortion should be our number one concern? Our damn country is swirling the drain and this man thinks putting images of dismembered babies on the Superbowl commercial is going to solve, what?? This is just one more reason I despise politics, politicians... I know without a government that no doubt we would rip one another up, it's proven time and time again with natural disasters. Instead of banning together to help one another we see people looting, killing one another in mass chaos. Why can't we take a lesson from the Japanese and HELP one another??? I love America and I love the freedoms we have here but it is people like this who make my skin crawl and anger boil. The last thing I need is my child to see torn up babies on national television. I am just disgusted!
to end this post on a much lighter note though it is FRIDAY, and for a short work week it has been awfully long week and I am so excited to get out of town with great friends this weekend and head to Eureka Springs, where a piece of my heart still dwells.
Wishing you all Peace and Love and for a very safe and happy Weekend-
Namaste!
Friday, January 13, 2012
Friday the 13th
A week ago today I got horrible news about a person that played a larger roll in my life than most people probably knew. I realize it was the only way communication could be given to me at this point but finding out that a good friend shot himself in the head over a text message isn't really ideal. I haven't had that breathless feeling since my mom did the same thing 8 years ago.
Suicide is selfish. The ONLY time I believe it is OK to take your own life is when you are so ill you are dying... like my mother. I understood her reasoning and why she didn't want to die in a hospital bed hooked up to machines. For the life of me though, when I heard the news about my dear friend Ron it was as if I was hit by a bus, then ran over by a train, dragged by a horse then a fire was set in my heart and it felt as if I was literally in the middle of a heart attack.
Ron left behind a lot of people who loved him, children my age and a community who cherished the fact he was a part of it. Every week I talked to Ron a few times off and on but our main conversations took place on Sundays before, during and after the Cowboys games. Sharing a passion for the same team that year after year let us down was sort of an immediate ticket to friendship I guess. He lost his brother Dave last August to cancer, Dave was an amazing man too. He was so ill, it was almost a blessing when he finally passed to know that he was no longer suffering in the shell of a body that was the Dave I'd come to know & love. His mind vibrate and his body withering in pain and sickness it was hard to see. Ron didn't leave a note, nothing to explain to his children why or what was going on in his life. So the questions bouncing through every ones minds Tuesday at the memorial were obvious. It was like watching sad zombies file into church pews. Was it out of grief for missing his brother? Was it financial distress? WHAT was the reason for this horrible act of bullshit? I'm angry, for his kids... for myself... I'm fucking PISSED and sad and my heart hurts terribly.
I wish I could report that this year has really been awesome but the truth is I am having a really hard time finding the good and trust that I AM LOOKING! Day in and day out though, I go to work, I go home and clean, cook, do laundry etc etc etc... every day. I wouldn't mind if it were still just myself in the house and Jaida of course... but it's not. There are three of us in that house yet only one of us does anything and you know what, I feel like I am nothing other than the personal maid and chef for the people in my home. My Family... but isn't family supposed to join together, make a kind of 'team effort'? Maybe I am just too anal about stuff but you know what, I liked living alone. That way, whatever mess was there, I caused and I never had more than one load of laundry or dishes a week. Now, I do at least one a day. WTF?!?!
I am not a negative person. I never have been and don't plan to become one now... however right now, if i could crawl inside a cave and sleep for a month only to wake up to sun, spring and beauty around me that would be ideal... or a trip to the beach so I can sink my feet into the sand, listen to the power of the ocean waves and close my eyes face to the sun I would be in heaven... if only it were that easy.
I hope your lives are well and happy. Wishing you Peace and Love in the New Year
Namaste
Suicide is selfish. The ONLY time I believe it is OK to take your own life is when you are so ill you are dying... like my mother. I understood her reasoning and why she didn't want to die in a hospital bed hooked up to machines. For the life of me though, when I heard the news about my dear friend Ron it was as if I was hit by a bus, then ran over by a train, dragged by a horse then a fire was set in my heart and it felt as if I was literally in the middle of a heart attack.
Ron left behind a lot of people who loved him, children my age and a community who cherished the fact he was a part of it. Every week I talked to Ron a few times off and on but our main conversations took place on Sundays before, during and after the Cowboys games. Sharing a passion for the same team that year after year let us down was sort of an immediate ticket to friendship I guess. He lost his brother Dave last August to cancer, Dave was an amazing man too. He was so ill, it was almost a blessing when he finally passed to know that he was no longer suffering in the shell of a body that was the Dave I'd come to know & love. His mind vibrate and his body withering in pain and sickness it was hard to see. Ron didn't leave a note, nothing to explain to his children why or what was going on in his life. So the questions bouncing through every ones minds Tuesday at the memorial were obvious. It was like watching sad zombies file into church pews. Was it out of grief for missing his brother? Was it financial distress? WHAT was the reason for this horrible act of bullshit? I'm angry, for his kids... for myself... I'm fucking PISSED and sad and my heart hurts terribly.
I wish I could report that this year has really been awesome but the truth is I am having a really hard time finding the good and trust that I AM LOOKING! Day in and day out though, I go to work, I go home and clean, cook, do laundry etc etc etc... every day. I wouldn't mind if it were still just myself in the house and Jaida of course... but it's not. There are three of us in that house yet only one of us does anything and you know what, I feel like I am nothing other than the personal maid and chef for the people in my home. My Family... but isn't family supposed to join together, make a kind of 'team effort'? Maybe I am just too anal about stuff but you know what, I liked living alone. That way, whatever mess was there, I caused and I never had more than one load of laundry or dishes a week. Now, I do at least one a day. WTF?!?!
I am not a negative person. I never have been and don't plan to become one now... however right now, if i could crawl inside a cave and sleep for a month only to wake up to sun, spring and beauty around me that would be ideal... or a trip to the beach so I can sink my feet into the sand, listen to the power of the ocean waves and close my eyes face to the sun I would be in heaven... if only it were that easy.
I hope your lives are well and happy. Wishing you Peace and Love in the New Year
Namaste
Thursday, January 5, 2012
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)