Fantastic Fathers and Fortunate People

Since Mothers Day is still a hard day to swallow, even after of these years... Fathers Day is really a day of true appreciation in my life. I am surrounded by so many wonderful people in my life that it is days like today when you stop to look around at not only your father, or step father, but the fathers in your life who have raised, are raising or someday will be fabulous fathers.

Obviously Papa wins award number one. Without him in my life since I was my daughters age, I wouldn't have the respect I do for hard working men/veterans of war/or true undying love.

I watched Papa as I grew up, treat my mother like the queen. My mom was never that woman who needed much in the way of pampering but it didn't really matter, because papa went out of his way to take care of her. I think it laid a lot of ground work in my soul when it comes to seeing love in a couples eyes and nothing makes me happier than to see two people happy... genuinely happy. I am more thankful for him than he might ever know, though i try to tell him and show him as often as possible. Afterall, when my battery died the other day, leaving me stranded here on this beautiful mountain my otherwise busted bubble... it was he who drove an hour, bought me a battery and put the new one in. I love you papa.

To my biological father- who by all accounts was never truly raised with a lot of love, from what I can tell.. he sure does TRY hard to figure out how to love me. He didn't raise me, but he helped my step mom raise my beautiful sisters (gorgeous twins!!) and honestly they are amazing and even if he doesn't think so, he had a little hand in how they turned out. I dont have the closest relationship with him, and for so many reasons not even worth mentioning, no matter how much emotional pain i've been caused through words... and only words... the most painful kind of hurt you can inflict on someone you love... it doesn't change the fact that he is my father and i love him with all my heart.

It's not often that a girl gets not one, but two dads. Bikers at that and both with big hearts and two totally different persona lites. I am lucky in every single way, shape and form to have them both in my life and without a mother, it makes it even THAT much more important to be sure they know they are loved.

Marriage doesn't always work out. When you're young you think what you have will last forever, and just as quickly as people fall in love, they can fall out of love too. The fact is, we are ever changing, no matter how old we get (inside and out- IF you let your soul age lol) and people grow in different directions. Obviously not many divorces often end in happy friendships, but when you share a child together it is very important to communicate, at least once in a while even if only about your child- if you dont, you end up missing things while they grow up when they're on weekend with the other parent and no matter who comes into your life, people should understand that bond. Sure, Jaida's father and I have had a few rough times, but to be straight honest with you I couldn't be more thankful for him to be the father of my wonderful baby girl.

I think it takes a special man to be a good father. One of those sayings that really hits home is 'any man can be a father but it takes a real man to be a daddy' and Adam is by every account in the book, a wonderful daddy to our child. I see her brown eyes and they glisten with the up most joy and happiness and it's not just because I'm a good mother, it's because she has two good parents and she too will someday look back and be very happy and fortunate she had us both. BUT we all know there is a special bond between a daddy and his little girl. Mommy always has to be the bad guy, but how in the world can a big soft hearted daddy look into his own daughters eyes that reflect his own eyes and say no... truth is, i dont think he does a whole lot- and well... it's ok with me :)

I sit here and think about all of my friends who are fathers now, the cute little boys and girls they have, the silliness that you see come out in their eyes when they re children scrape a knee, or fall asleep on their chest. I know a LOT of wonderful fathers. Some of them i see as extent ions of my own family. Annies Dad- though we're not close anymore.... when i see him i still remember growing up there, being scared shit less of his loud voice until finally realizing he was just deaf HA HA- Briannes Dad who gave me my first job on their golf course at 15- and taught me what it was like to see the sunrise when the rest of my friends were sleeping in. He tells jokes like nobody else i know and truth be told, her parents are definatly in my book as my parents too (along with Annies mom and dad... but Betty just goes without saying)

I sit here and think about the people who most likley wish Fathers Day never existed. The ones who lost their fathers no matter if it were little Kenny who took his own life weeks ago, or Ray who passed and broke everyones heart the day before his Steelers kicked my Cowboys asses. (I know he had something to to with that). I know both of those families today have shed more than a few tears, maybe even been angry at the fact that everyone else gets to wrap their arms around their father on this day or at least talk to them in some way. I hope they felt the spirits of their loved ones as I know they do drop in from time to time to be sure you ok. I hope the day ends in peace for them and a smile knowing they're not really gone just not all that visable.

It is in every tear drop that rolls off my cheek that makes me happy and sad all in one tiny moment. My house is quiet. It is just me and my animals (under my feet following me from room to room today) I spent all of yesterday and some of the morning with my papa at the lake with friends- I am fortunate.

For two hours now, i've laid here. Staring up at my ceiling fan yet again, watching it as if any moment something miraculous will happen. Today is not just Fathers Day, today is the first day of Summer. Summer has a different feeling than spring, it is almost as if over night the sun got hotter, my energy level sky rocketed and my soul grew just a little bit more. It is silent in here for now, only the soft humming of the fan spinning and spinning overhead.

Something big is coming. I've been told this by two psychics 3 people i've only met through blogging and well the most valid one.. my own instinct. I dont know what it is yet, but it's pretty damn strong and it's headed this direction. I think all of these years of paying for my Karma in my last life is getting ready to pay me off- maybe... just maybe...

I should be working today. Yes, it's Sunday but I have a lot of things to do for JHA. I'm going to just get up early and do them though, i'm going to relax tonight. Unplug my laptop from the WWW and sit downstairs in my bed with it open looking me in the face. Tonight, I'm going to pick back up on one of my books i've started. Likley not the childrens book, as i'm a deeper mood today even though my writing doubtfully reflects much of that today through random back and fourth like always. After sitting in my tub for a good soak, in the quiet of my bedroom, over looking the most beautiul part of Arkansas and the friendliest wildlife imaginable, i'm going to write at least a chapter in my head, or try before putting it to paper.

Tonight might be the best chapter of the the thriller i have yet to tell anyone i've been writting until just now. Surprise... it's not the memoirs of my life, or the story of the catipillar but something a little on the dark side, with a tad of a romantic twist and maybe some built in fate... Guess we'll see.

Have a peaceful day today. Hug your dad, or call him.. hell send him a text message if you're anything like I am at the moment and have no voice with which to speak verbally. Be thankful, for every father in your life. Not just yours... but your childrens, or your best friends, even the life long friendships that now turn to kid dates on a Saturday at the lake. Not everyone has a father, not in their lives, not everyone has a good father, but the truth is... you shouldn't have to look far for a man in your life you can say is a wonderful father, with wonderful children.

Much love to the fathers who read my blog- I hope you had the most delicious ribs for dinner, or T-bone... or salad.. whatever... and you're laying on the couch in your favorite position, remote in the right hand beverage in the left looking around at your beautiful family being thankful that someone created this day for you. As always, may the sun rest upon your face with the softness and beauty that brings a tear to your eye and a smile to your face. Until tomorrow....